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“You did… What were you two talking about?”
He looks away.
“It’s not important. All I want you to know is that I’m not a dick.”
And that only makes things more complicated.
“I enjoyed the time I had with you,” he says evenly, still not looking at me.
That gives his words a lot of weight.
I might be in for a big surprise.
“Anyway… That’s all I wanted to say,” he murmurs, pushing off the wall table. “I’ll let you get ready.”
And that explains why he didn’t make the connection between my new shopping bags and the other man.
He was too preoccupied with his own turmoil.
I push to my feet and walk to him.
“I don’t know if this makes a difference…” I start, prompting him to pivot to me. “I wasn’t mad at you. I was mad at the situation.”
He flicks his hand up.
“You don’t need to give me an explanation. I just had to get it off my chest.”
“All right…”
“Good. Now I need to go.”
He suddenly seems in a rush. And I seem to want a little more of him, but I don’t make any effort in that direction.
Although I do walk behind him while he inches closer to the door.
He stops, grips the doorknob, and pivots to me.
His eyes talk to mine. He seems to look for something in my gaze. He doesn’t find it. And now we both feel tense.
“I’ll see you on the other side…” he says, smiling and winking at me.
I know what that means. I know what lies behind his laid-back attitude.
He had an advantage over the other two men last night and blew it, and now he has to start all over again.
It’s strange how the feelings we have banned––the prerequisite for this type of arrangement––push this thing forward and establish unwritten rules of engagement.
I think I know where Kai’s fury stems from.
He thought he had everything under control and learned the hard way that he hadn’t. I can’t wait to see how we’ll react tonight when we’ll all be together again.
He hesitates, and I sense his dwelling.
I almost expect him to come to me and kiss me. It never happens, so I watch him walk out and the door closing behind him, and I feel bereft.
I don’t know why, but I do.
Maybe because these things will come and go from now on. Some will start, and some will end, and it will go on like that until we’re done.
