Page 71 of When We Feel

I move away from the door and find myself in the middle of the room. Suddenly, I feel cold, so I hug myself and rub my arms.

I’m doing everything mechanically, no longer able to focus not only on what I have to do but on every bit of beauty around me.

The view, the bathtub, the room… Nothing holds my attention long enough.

I feel strange, and I need to figure out what this is before I go out. What exactly is this?

Is it Alejandro? Francisco? Or is it Kai?

I slide my shoes off, and barefoot, I go back to the closet, pick up the bag and scoop out the card.

I read it again.

No explanation. No apology. Nothing. It’s like a block of silence flowing from his handwritten words.

Okay.

It’s as if spending time with Alejandro has fucked up everything else.

I hate the scarcity of Kai’s words. What do they mean? His message is like a brief note for an employee.

He’ll see me tonight? Everybody will see me tonight.

It’s not personal or particularly warm. It’s like something he’s checked off his list.

And the fact that he has paid for the damages drives me nuts. I will never wear that dress, and he knows it. Maybe that was his plan all along.

My hand goes instinctively to my necklace.

This piece of jewelry will suffer the same fate if he notices it around my neck.

I’m not ready to lose it like the red dress. Not yet.

So I remove it from my neck and slide it into a small jewelry box I keep my earrings in.

I think about it for a few seconds.

No. He has to get used to it.

I put it back on, take off my dress, and dash to the bathroom.

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