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Her eyes were wide and disbelieving. I didn’t blame her.
I couldn’t believe it myself.
I hadn’t meant to blurt it out like that, but the words came rushing out when I saw her again. And then, just like that, it was out in the open, and I couldn’t avoid it anymore. It felt stupid that I’d denied it so fervently all this time because it appeared so obvious when I was with her.
I was…falling in love with Lisa. Despite my best efforts, it was happening.
And I was man enough to admit that I was scared shitless.
Fuck.
“I dreamt about you last night,” I told her, my mouth apparently not knowing when to stop talking. “The most frustrating dream I’ve ever had in my life.”
I’d been eating her out in my bed. It had all seemed real—the smell of her, the feel of her skin under my fingertips. Then I’d tasted the essence of her, and it hadn’t been as good as the real thing. That’s when I knew I was dreaming, and I woke up angry and more turned on than I’ve ever been in my life.
I hadn’t had wet dreams since I was a teenager. There had been no need to since I could usually get sex whenever I wanted it, and I’d never been so hung up on any one woman before. Until now.
So, this morning, I briefly entertained the idea of seeking out someone else to take care of my physical craving, but the idea held little appeal. Not only would it be a cheap substitution for what I wanted, but it would also be stupid to call up any other woman when I was openly fake-dating Lisa. It was too close to cheating, and that was a level of assholery I wasn’t comfortable sinking to.
Also, if she found out, it would crush her.
And that was the last thing I ever wanted to do.
Besides, the sex wasn’t even the thing I missed most about her. I just missed her…missed everything, the conversations we had, and just her presence. And it was at that moment, a whole week from the last time I saw her, that I finally accepted it.
I couldn’t stop thinking about her. And I couldn’t avoid her and my daughter forever, so I was better off accepting the truth.
I had feelings for Lisa.
Nah. That was a cop-out. I was damn near in love with the woman.
I didn’t know when it happened or why or how, but somewhere between our fake dating, real feelings developed. It snuck up on me like a thief and took hold before I even suspected a thing. And now I could no longer deny it and take the coward’s way out, which was why I came to see her.
But, of course, I didn’t plan on blurting out my feelings quite like this, either.
As I watched, even more shock poured into her face, along with a horror I couldn’t explain. At the same time, I realized I might have just fucked everything up.
“Shit.” I shut my eyes and rubbed my hands over my face.
“Did you just say you loved me?” The note of incredulity in her voice cemented it. I didn’t answer at first, still trying to come to terms with my admission. For a second, I thought about making up some other excuse for what I said. But then I decided it was time to stop being such a fucking coward and just go with it.
“Yes. Fine, yes, I love you,” I said, snarling a little when I said those words. “I don’t fucking know how it happened, and I never intended it to, but damn it, I can’t stop thinking about you. You’ve stolen my mind and distracted me constantly from work. My self-control is zero when it comes to you, and you make me fucking weak as shit.” I released a breath. “And I don’t know what to do about it.”
Lisa was silent for a few seconds, which was understandable. It was a lot to process. But then, suddenly, the silent atmosphere crackled as she exclaimed, “Are you kidding me?”
I glanced at her in enough time to recognize that the disbelief on her face was morphing into something else.
Anger.
No, not just that.
Fury.
“Did you just say you love me?” She poked her finger into my chest. “After everything you’ve done to me, you fucking want me to believe that shit?”
I frowned at her, feeling more than a little puzzled. Was she mad that I said I loved her? Or did she just not believe me?
“I’m not stupid, Nick, no matter how much you seem to think I am.”
