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He shrugged. “I wouldn’t blame you if you weren’t. I was kind of an asshole back there.”
“You’re kind of an asshole most of the time.” The words contained more bite than I intended, but I softened it with a half smile that would imply some teasing. “But it’s fine. I’m used to it.”
But he didn’t let it go. Instead, anger melded with the guilt in his expression. “Why the fuck do you always do that?”
I was taken aback by his argumentative tone. “Do what?”
“That. Hold everything in. Just let people walk all over you. Fuck, you should have slapped me or yelled or something. What I did back there was fucking barbaric. I just got up and left and didn’t even discuss anything or give you the aftercare you deserved. I was a….”
“Jerk,” I filled in when he couldn’t seem to find the words. “Asshole. Inconsiderate babboon.”
“Yeah,” he said, and I shook my head.
“I knew you were all those things before I slept with you,” I told him. “So it didn’t come as a surprise to me at all. And it wouldn’t be the first time you walked away after you had sex with me. At least, this time, you didn’t tell me not to get pregnant.”
His face was pained…as if I had smacked him. “I didn’t….”
“You did,” I said firmly. “Trust me. I remember the night very well. After telling me that you wouldn’t want any ‘mistakes,’ you stormed off and left me in the room to pull my clothes together. Then, my brother and Kim walked in and caught me without clothes on. You left your wallet behind, so they knew I had just had sex with you. Everyone knew because Kim was hysterical and basically announced I was a whore for sleeping with her boyfriend. And then I got drunk and spouted everything about the mayor’s relationship with my mother to my brother and everyone at the party.” Effectively losing the scholarship that the mayor promised because I didn’t keep my end of the bargain. And with that went any chance of advancement. Or so I thought. “So yeah, I remember it very well.”
Several expressions crossed his face—surprise, chagrin, and palpable regret. I could tell the full enormity of what he did was finally dawning on him, as he’d probably never seen that night the same way I had. Men like him rarely did. For him, it was something fun, something to get revenge on his cheating ex. Whereas, for me, it was a label I carried with me for a long time.
His mouth opened and closed several times before he shook his head. “I’m sorry. I didn’t even….”
“Know?” I stated. “How could you? You were too busy focusing on your own shit and the fact that your girlfriend cheated on you to realize that you were ruining someone else’s life.” I didn’t know where the words were coming from, but now that I’d started, I couldn’t stop. I felt like stabbing him with them…wanted to hurt him the same way I was hurt.
And it was working.
I could see the pain that was tightening his jaw, the guilt reflected in his eyes, and I wanted him to feel it more. I shrugged. “But it’s fine. That’s what comes with being a naive girl, I guess. But that night taught me a few lessons, and one of them was to never expect decency from Nick Walker. So don’t worry. I didn’t expect anything from you tonight other than to be exactly who you are. And you proved me right. “
I started to head back inside, but he caught me by the arm. I glanced back at a face that was tormented. He looked like I spat on him and then slapped him at the same time.
Wow. So he does have a conscience.
A stronger woman would have kept going, kept talking until she eviscerated him.
But I didn’t want to keep talking about it, so I gave him a laugh that sounded surprisingly realistic.
“It’s okay.” I patted him on the arm. “I’m over it now. And I accept your apology for today. See you at work tomorrow.” And with that, I yanked my arm away and walked back into the house with my head held high. I bolted the front door behind me and leaned against it, trying to catch my breath.
But it wasn’t until several minutes later—when I heard his car pulling away—that I was able to breathe again.
And then I started to feel a little proud.
Today, I’d spoken my mind and told Nick Walker exactly what I thought of him.
It might not be much, and I was pretty sure there was a 50/50 chance I would still cry from the memories tonight.
But at least I stood up for myself.
At least I finally felt like I’d purged the pain off my chest. I’d told him what he did to me, seeing the look on his face when I ruined his illusion that what he did was a victimless crime.
I showed him who he really was.
Now I could go to bed.
Belatedly, I realized I had not yet asked him about the conversation with the mayor. Damn. I didn’t want to talk about it over the phone, and I was going to see him in person anyway, so I figured it could wait.
But I had no time to do it the next day. I was swamped with design concept changes from the marketing manager, who needed everything by the end of the day. And as if that wasn’t enough, my brother once again decided to show up unannounced with a whole pile of bullshit.
