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I turned around and was about to head back inside when I could swear I saw something moving in the shadows.
Now, what the fuck wasthat?
FIFTEEN
LISA
I wasn’t going to cry.
I repeated the mantra again and again in my head, hoping that would make it a reality. And it had to because I refused to be the girl who cried over a one-night stand that never should have happened but did. Again. I refused to cry over this because it would be pointless. And pathetic. And it would prove that I was still the same little girl I was six years ago.
It would prove that absolutely nothing had changed, and Nick still had the power to break me.
I knew this would be the outcome. Even during sex, in the wild emotional roller coaster of it all, I’d never once presumed that there were any feelings involved. It was a primal, animalistic urge that was driving us both to the finish line, encouraging us to feed our baser needs and forget about everything else.
I let my libido take me away, let instinct take over. It was instinct that made me grab his face and look into his eyes toward the end. When I kissed him, and he groaned into my mouth, I let my heart pound and my mind wander. When he drew me close during those final moments as he drove me to ecstasy once again before finding his pleasure, I thought maybe I felt something. It was little more than a fleeting thought that should have been gone in the next second, but I still stupidly held onto it.
But it wasn’t even a full minute after he orgasmed that cold reality smacked me in the face. He was getting up, pulling on his clothes, and talking about work as if nothing had happened. Without so much as a goodbye or “that was great,” he was heading out the door again, probably off to ruin some other woman’s life.
That’s not fair, Lisa,I said.He didn’t ruin your life this time. He never gave you any promises or told you this was anything more than a hookup. In fact, I remembered him trying to pull away way after I was far too lost to consider it. He’d tried to do the gentlemanly thing, but it only inflamed me more.
And then I’d pushed for this.
So I wasn’t going to sit here and lay all the blame at his feet. Neither was I going to feel sorry for myself like a pathetic little creature.
I was a woman who made a decision that may have been the wrong one, but ultimately, it wasn’t the end of the world.
So, instead of drowning in despair, I was going to drag myself out of bed and go check in on my daughter. I didn’t think she was awake—she would have come to my room if she was—but she may have heard sounds, and I didn’t want her to be scared.
I got up and let the dress slide off me completely, the beautiful silk now in tatters on the floor. Somehow, the sight had tears springing into my eyes, but I choked them back, again refusing to give in. Instead, I put on a T-shirt and pajama bottoms and then crept toward my daughter’s door, quietly pushing it open. There she was on her little princess bed, her eyes closed and lightly snoring. As I drew close, I was comforted by the fact that she seemed to be at peace. I guess we hadn’t disturbed her. That was good because I didn’t know how I was going to explain the noises, except to say I was play-wrestling with my friend at nearly midnight.
The thought made me giggle. It was something for her to figure out when she was older.
I lightly caressed her hair for some time, and it somehow made me feel better. Violet always seemed to have that effect on me—from the second I found out about her existence.
Although the night she was conceived was quite likely the worst night of my life, I couldn’t regret it. Because it made her. She was here with me now because of it, and through all the tears and agony, I was happy that she came to be.
I was going to have that same attitude toward the events of today. I refused to regret it. I would play Nick’s game and move on like nothing happened, sticking to the plan because I wasn’t going to jeopardize my daughter’s safety over one stupid night.
Which reminded me. I pulled my hand back. I’d yet to ask Nick what he and my father talked about. Did Nick tell him he was Violet’s father? Did the mayor agree to back off?
I needed to know.
As quickly and silently as I could, I rushed out of Violet’s bedroom and down to the living room. No sign of Nick there. I hadn’t heard his car pull away, so I knew he was likely still in the parking lot, perhaps answering a few calls before he left.
I went outside, sighting his car parked outside, but strangely enough, he wasn’t in it. Or anywhere near it. Instead, he was peering in the distance behind the bushes.
I walked up behind him, but he didn’t move.
“What are you doing?” I asked, and he held up one hand for me to be silent. I raised an eyebrow but obliged for a few seconds, waiting until he finally sighed and turned to me.
“I thought I heard something,” he explained. “But it’s probably just the wind.”
“Or a raccoon,” I offered. “They tend to come out at night and raid the garbage cans. It’s a good thing it ran away before you met it because they can be pretty nasty to deal with.”
“Yeah,” he said, and then he eyed me curiously with a little trepidation. “How are you feeling?”
“Me? I’m fine.” I tried for a casual shrug but wasn’t sure if I executed it perfectly. “Why? Don’t I look fine?”
