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“I’m going to say it again. Forget about Erica.” Shane was serious now. He had stopped joking around and was talking to me with an expression I didn’t see very often on his face. In a way, I understood what he was saying, but it wasn’t that easy just to let go. After everything that had happened between us, how was I supposed to cut Erica loose and feel nothing?
We talked about other things for the duration of our lunchtime, and I pretended to be happy, laughing at Shane’s comments and acting like everything was fine. But my mind was spinning with what Shane had said and with what I had accepted I was feeling for Erica. Until now, I had been pretty sure about where I was headed, but now I was torn. I had spoken to Shane in the hope that it would make things easier for me. Instead, it had only made it harder.
By the time we returned to the office, I knew what I wanted to do. I had to get away from the office for a while. I had to distance myself from everything that had been happening so I could think clearly about what was going on in my life. I had to figure out how I felt about Erica and how I felt about the company and possibly losing it. I had to consider the consequences. From where I stood, I couldn’t see it working out so that I could keep my relationship with Erica and the company. I would have to sacrifice one of them, and I didn’t know if I had what it took to do it.
Maybe some time away from the office would give me a bit of clarity. Maybe if I disappeared for a few days and learned to live without both Erica and the company, I could find out which was more important.
Chapter 20
Erica
Brett had been gone from the office the past three days, and I was starting to wonder where he was. Despite everything that had happened because of the article and the photos that had come out, Brett had kept in constant contact with me. Even if it was under the guise of work. This time, Brett had disappeared completely, and I wasn’t sure if I should be worried.
Considering that I had wanted to do the same, I couldn’t blame him for wanting to escape. I only wished he had told me before he had gone.
By Thursday I still wasn’t feeling well. I had ruled out the option of it being a stomach bug because it had been nearly a week and I was pretty sure stomach bugs only lasted up to forty-eight hours. Instead of getting better, I was on the verge of being sick all the time. It never developed into the full-on flu, but it never cleared up either. In fact, I was starting to get truly nauseated.
Considering that the passing time had allowed me to rule out most illnesses, I was almost certain it was because of the stress. The media had found interest elsewhere, and things were starting to get better at the office, but it was far from perfect. Now that Brett had disappeared, it was only adding to the pressure again.
Because of my nausea, Katie and I didn’t go out for drinks the way we liked to do on Thursdays. Instead, I met her for lunch. I wanted to talk to her about what was going on.
“How does someone as famous as Brett, with so much media on his ass, just disappear?” Katie asked.
“If I knew, I wouldn’t sit here complaining to you,” I said. “At least with him being absent, the people in the office are staring at me less.”
Katie shrugged. “I guess that’s one way to look at it. I don’t think it’s fair of him to just disappear, though.”
I agreed with her, but there was nothing I could do. He didn’t owe me anything. We had agreed from the start that what we had was no-strings-attached sex. When I had asked him outright what his feelings were for me, he hadn’t confessed to anything. As far as Brett was concerned, he had no reason to keep checking in with me and let me know where he was. After all, we weren’t dating.
No matter how much I wanted it.
Lately, I had started thinking about what it would be like to be with Brett. There was nothing as character revealing as seeing someone go through a hard time, and Brett had handled everything that had gone wrong with control. I had seen so many different sides of him since I had started working for him. I knew what I was letting myself in for if I was going to get involved with him.
Unfortunately, it didn’t seem like Brett wanted to be involved with me. I shouldn’t have been upset about it. I was the one who had told him I understood that it couldn’t be more between us. It was unfair of me to expect anything differently now.
