Page 8 of Certified to Handle You 3

I grabbed my phone and got back in bed before unlockin’ it. I already knew blocked calls could still leave voicemails, and I hated myself a lil’ bit for even checkin’. I went into the blocked messages expectin’ to see nothin’, but there was three.

My whole body reacted before I could stop it. I sat up against the headboard and stared at the screen while my heart started poundin’ all over again. Three fuckin’ voicemails from Sha’Nelle was sittin’ there after I had spent half the day tryna convince myself I was done with her.

I rubbed my hand over my face and looked away from the phone.

“Leave that shit alone, Renza.”

I knew better, but my thumb pressed the first message.

There was silence for a couple seconds before Sha’Nelle’s voice came through the speaker, and just hearin’ her after almost three months made somethin’ move inside my chest.

“Renza, it’s me. I guess you already know that, but I can see my calls ain’t goin’ through no more, so I’m guessin’ you blocked me. I don’t even know if you gon’ listen to this shit, but I wanted you to hear it from me before you heard it from somebody else. Couture asked me to marry him yesterday, and I said yes.”

I closed my eyes as soon as she said it. Hearin’ that shit in her voice was worse than watchin’ the video.

Sha’Nelle went quiet for a few seconds before continuin’. “I don’t really know what I’m supposed to say to you about it. I know we ain’t spoke in almost three months, and I know I ain’t owe you no explanation after everything that happened, but that ain’t how it feel to me. It feel wrong for you to find out from somebody else, and I don’t want you thinkin’ I did this shit to hurt you or prove somethin’ to you. I didn’t. I just… I wanted to tell you myself. That’s all.”

The voicemail ended, and I stared at the screen.

I could hear how careful she had been. Sha’Nelle normally said whatever the fuck came to her mind and worried about the damage afterward, but every word in that message sounded like she had picked it before lettin’ it leave her mouth.

I pressed my tongue against the inside of my cheek and looked toward the other side of the room.

“What the fuck you want me to do with that, ‘Nelle?” I asked nobody.

She said yes to that nigga. Whether she meant to hurt me ain’t change what happened.

I should’ve deleted all three messages right then, but my thumb moved to the second one instead. This time, she started talkin’ almost immediately.

“Renza, I need to say this too ‘cause it’s botherin’ me. I never told you I wasn’t comin’ to Trill-Land. I know shit got ugly between us and I blocked you, but I never said I wasn’t comin’. I asked you for time. That was all I kept askin’ you for. I needed time to get my shit together ‘cause everything with you happen so damn fast, and sometimes I don’t know how to take you.”

I lowered my head while she kept talkin’.

“Everything I told you was true. I wasn’t lyin’ when I said I had feelin’s for you. I wasn’t lyin’ about none of the shit that happened between us, and I wasn’t playin’ with you. You just make everything so fuckin’ hard sometimes ‘cause you don’t know how to let me figure shit out without decidin’ what I’m supposed to do before I can even think. I needed some room, Renza. I needed you to let me miss you without you pullin’ up somewhere, threatenin’ somebody or tellin’ me what the fuck I was gon’ do. I was comin’. I just needed time.”

I stopped the message. My eyes burned while I stared down at the phone. Then, I played the rest.

“I don’t know what else you want me to say ‘cause I don’t even know what the fuck I’m doin’ right now. I just know I couldn’t let you think none of it meant somethin’ different to me than what I told you. It didn’t. I meant that shit.”

When the message ended, I leaned my head back against the headboard and looked at the ceilin’.

“Then why the fuck you marryin’ him?” I asked through my teeth.

That was the shit I couldn’t understand. If everything between us was real and she was really comin’ back, what the fuck happened? How did we go from her needin’ time to another nigga puttin’ a ring on her finger? How was I supposed to hear that she meant everything she told me and feel better about any of this shit?

I wanted to call her…

My thumb damn near moved toward her contact before I remembered I blocked her for this exact reason. One conversation would turn into me demandin’ answers. Then she would cry or get mad, I would hear somethin’ in her voice that made me believe I still had a chance, and every piece of progress I made today would be gone.

I looked at the third voicemail. Somethin’ about it bothered me before I even pressed play ‘cause it was longer than the other two. I almost deleted it without listenin’. Instead, I pressed it.

At first, I ain’t hear nothin’ besides her breathin’. Then there was a small sniff through the speaker. My stomach dropped.

“Renza…” Sha’Nelle said, and her voice was already fucked up.

I just sat still…

She sniffed again before tryna speak. “I don’t even know why I’m callin’ again ‘cause you clearly don’t wanna talk to me, and I know I need to respect that.”