Page 45 of Certified to Handle You 3

As far as I was concerned, Sha’Nelle had lost her fuckin’ mind if she thought I was finna keep playin’ these fuck ass games with her confused ass.

From what ‘Lo was sayin’, it ain’t even sound like she had fully cleared that other nigga out the way. She had got engaged, showed up in Trill-Land and wanted to talk to me, but what the fuck was I supposed to do with that? Sit in her face while she cried and explained how she ain’t mean for shit to go that far? Was I supposed to listen to her tell me she was confused? Let her pull on my heart while that nigga still had a claim somewhere in the middle? Hell Nah. I had done enough chasin’, and enough showin’ up. I had done enough lettin’ her make my heart feel like it had to fight another nigga for a place she already knew belonged to me.

My phone rang again from another number, and I looked at the screen before tossin’ it on the passenger seat. I took a pull from my blunt and let the smoke sit in my chest for a second before I blew it out the window.

Trill-Land looked quiet this time of night. The streets had that late-night shine from the streetlights, and every road I took somehow felt like it was tryna lead me back to the mansion. I kept turnin’ away from it. I wasn’t goin’ home yet, especially with her on the island already lookin’ for me.

Pressure called a lil’ after that.

I let the phone ring twice before I picked it up and put it on speaker. “Wussup?”

“You know Sha’Nelle here?” he asked.

I closed my eyes for half a second and rubbed my hand over my beard before puttin’ it back on the wheel. “At yo’ crib?”

“Yeah,” he said. “She been outside for a minute. She was on the stairs cryin’. Pluto let her in.”

I shook my head and sighed.

“You comin’ home?” he asked.

“Nah,” I said without even thinkin’ too long on it. “I ain’t comin’ there tonight.”

Pressure was quiet again, and I knew he ain’t like that. That was his house too, but it was mine at the same time, and I could hear it in my cousin’s voice that he ain’t like the thought of me avoidin’ my own space behind a woman, and honestly, I ain’t like it either. But me not likin’ it ain’t change the fact that I knew what would happen if I walked in there and saw her.

“I can tell her she gotta slide,” Pressure said.

“You ain’t gotta do all that, I replied.

“You sure?”

“Yeah. Pluto let her in, so it is what it is,” I said, takin’ another pull from the blunt. “I just don’t need to be there.”

“This don’t even sound like you, nigga,” Pressure said.

I shook my head and turned my right blinker on. “I know.”

And that was the truth. It didn’t sound like me. The old me would’ve went home just to make ‘Nelle look me in my face. I would’ve walked in that bitch, watched her cry, said some shit that cut her open and probably still ended up with my hand around the back of her neck, pullin’ her into me ‘cause I couldn’t help myself. I knew how that story went.

Sha’Nelle would be standin’ there with them pretty ass dreamy eyes full of tears, tellin’ me she ain’t know what to do, and I would be tryna stay mad while my body remembered every damn thing about her; from how she smelled, how soft her skin was and how she always said my name when she was scared, mad or close to breakin’ under me.

I gripped the wheel tighter and made myself keep lookin’ at the road.

“I’mma get a room tonight,” I told him.

Pressure let out a breath. “A’ight. Hit me if you need me.”

“I’m good.”

“I know you good, nigga,” he said. “I still said hit me.”

I nodded even though he couldn’t see me. “A’ight.”

We hung up, and I kept drivin’ with the lights slidin’ past my windows. The blunt had burned low between my fingers, and I flicked the ash before takin’ one more pull.

I ain’t even want Pressure to send Sha’Nelle away ‘cause that would’ve made me feel worse in another way. It was late as fuck and the fact that she was out here cryin’ on steps and gettin’ moved from house to house ‘cause I wouldn’t answer was already fuckin’ with me.

I ain’t need to walk in behind her scent, though. That was the part I couldn’t explain without soundin’ like a bitch. If she left before I got there, I still ain’t wanna go home and smell whatever lotion, perfume or hair oil she had on. I ain’t wanna walk through the hallway and know she had been sittin’ in my space lookin’ for me. I ain’t wanna stand in my own house and feel her ghost before I got enough sense to stay away from the real thing.