AllFreeNovel
Share Us
ALL OR NOTHING. I should have known. Avery has never been anything but unapologetically themself, and that refreshing authenticity is one of the things that drew me so strongly to them.
Now I have to match their bravery.
My heart is slamming against my chest like my fist pounded on their door. That frantic, irrational organ led me here, so I guess I need to trust it. I’d hoped that my actions would speak for themselves, but that was cowardly of me. Avery isn’t stupid; they know what this means. But I can’t blame them for wanting me to say it after all I’ve put them through. From the very beginning, I’ve done nothing but run. Even when I wasn’t running, I hid from the truth, dodging anything that seemed too big, too scary.
If that ain’t the story of my time in Montridge, I don’t know what is.
The second I arrived, I thought about turning back home. Then Avery happened and I was so terrified I nearly packed my things and bailed. Seeing my family added a stab of homesickness to the stack of reasons to run.
But Avery made all of those things better. They showed me around this crazy town, they charmed the hell out of my parents, they gave me something worth staying for.
That something is them.
“Avery,” I say.
The feel of their name on my tongue strengthens my resolve. That familiar, gentle sound warms me like freshly brewed tea. I clasp their hands in mine. Or maybe they’re the one holding me. It’s difficult to tell when it feels like the whole world is tilting away from me.
“If I stay,” I say, “if we both stay, if we stay here together, it’s because … it’s because I do love you.”
There is so much more I need to add on to that, but it was hard enough getting those words out. I lack the strength for more, especially because Avery isn’t responding. They’re simply sitting there watching me, light eyes picking me apart like I’m a tapestry unspooling under their keen gaze.
“Say something,” I plead.
I didn’t know I was going to say those words tonight. I didn’t come here planning to say them. But now that I’vespoken that fragile feeling aloud, all I can do is wait.
Avery takes an unsteady breath. “I mean, I need to see what the applications require. And I’m only a junior. I have to figure out the timing, money, scholarships, if I’d really stay here or go somewhere else or…”
“Does that mean you’ll consider it?”
They meet my eyes. “Yes. Yes, I will. If you’ll give me a chance.”
“You can’t do this for me, Avery.”
“I’m not doing it for you,” they say. “But I never thought about any of this until I met you. I never imagined myself continuing on and being some kind of researcher or academic. When I think about it, it’s scary, honestly. It feels too big for someone like me. But if you were with me, I think I could handle it.”
“I will be,” I say. “If you want me to be.”
Finally, a smile breaks through the tension on their face. “I do. Of course I do.”
I can’t take any more. All the tension, all the build up, all the uncertainty — it breaks like a storm suddenly erupting out of a clear sky. I release Avery’s hands so I can cup their face and pull them to me, smashing their lips into mine. They taste like surety, like confidence, like home. As they grab the front of my shirt and kiss me back, all those fears I’ve held onto all semester melt away, and I know for the first time that I’m exactly where I should be, doing exactly what I should be doing.
As we go on kissing, Avery crowds into my space. I sit back, and they sling a leg over my thighs to sit in my lap. My hands rest on their hips, theirs on the stubble shadowing my jaw. Their thumbs rub against it, a coarse prickle.
“I thought you were trying to break up with me the other day,” they say, and the hurt in their voice pierces straight through me.
“Why the hell would I do that?”
“Because this is complicated and messy and new and scary?” they say.
I chuckle. “It is. It is complicated and messy and new and scary. You freaking terrify me, Avery. I’ve never known anyone like you. I’ve never lived in a place like this. I’ve never done half the things we’ve done together. But you make me want to try everything I’ve never done. You make me want to explore the whole world.”
Avery’s smile is soft and smitten. I hope some echo of it shows on my face.
“I can’t believe that when I met you you thought Montridge was a city,” Avery says. “And now you want to travel the world. Quite a change for my small-town boy.”
“I might be getting ahead of myself, but I think if I was with you, I could do all of the things that used to scare me.”
“I want to show you those things,” Avery says. “I want to go everywhere and do everything with you.”
