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They bend down to kiss me, slow and sensual, licking into my mouth. Heat builds between us, and my hands wander to the small of their back, riding the slow wave of their body as they shift atop me. There’s no chance of misunderstanding when we’re like this, our bodies screaming the words we might stutter otherwise.
Avery groans and drags themself away from my mouth. When they sit back on my thighs and chew on their bottom lip, I just about lose my composure and throw them onto the couch cushions then and there.
“I wasn’t expecting this,” they say. “Everything’s upstairs. Come on. I don’t want to do this on the couch, as fun as that was last time. No one will ever hang out with me again if they find out that this is how I use my living room.”
They slip off my thighs, and I mourn the loss of their weight and warmth. Avery offers me a hand, and I take it, letting them drag me to my feet. The forgotten ice cream is a puddle in its container on the table, but Avery doesn’t seem to care as they lead me out of the living room and toward the stairs.
Our footsteps thump in time with my heart. As we walk, our conversation echoes in my head. I don’t regret a word of it. I should have said most of it sooner. But one part in particular keeps coming back to me, the part about trying everything with them, going everywhere with them, doing things I’m afraid of with them.
Maybe it’s time I give them my trust, my full trust. Maybe it’s time I take a leap of faith with them.
A flurry of doubt rises in my mind like a cloud of buzzing insects. What am I thinking? I just confessed the words I’m most afraid of, and now I’m trying to leap into even more uncharted territory? It has to be the adrenaline of the moment, but despite my doubts, I can’t dislodge the thought from my mind once it arises. It’s like a pebble in my shoe, persistently digging at me until I give it attention.
Avery drags me into their room. They don’t bother closing the door before they turn to me and start sliding my jacket off to pool on the floor.
“We are not doing this with a bunch of clothes on again,” they say, laughter edging their voice.
I’m too tense to say anything. I peel their shirt off, then let them do the same to me. Their hair is loose around them, silky and dark against their pale skin. I run a hand through it as I draw them back to my mouth for a deep kiss full of probing tongues. Avery runs their hands over my bare chest, squeezing as they go, enjoying every detail of my body, and I can vividly imagine the way they’d lavish every inch of me with attention if I gave them the go-ahead to do so.
So really, what the hell am I waiting for?
I start walking them toward the bed, and they go gleefully. We separate to climb onto the mattress. Avery throws aside their sweatpants about as quickly as they can.I’m a bit slower in getting my jeans and boxers out of the way, partially from nerves. The sight of their long, lean body entirely naked for me helps. It helps a lot. I couldn’t keep myself from following them into bed even if I wanted to, and I certainly don’t want to.
Avery grins, shuffling backward as I pursue them onto the mattress. I end up over them, and they lace their fingers into my hair to pull me to their mouth. Our bodies are boiling hot when our skin meets, our tongues sloppy as we plunder each other’s mouths. We grind against each other, incapable of keeping still when we’re naked and close and touching. It’s like this energy that simply has to come out of us, this desire that has to take physical form lest it explode and destroy us instead.
Maybe it’s that desire that gives me the strength to pull away and speak.
Avery looks confused at first. Lying under me, their hand tangled in my hair, a question waits in their eyes. I draw a deep breath and make myself say the words that popped into my head as we ascended the stairs.
“I want you to be the one to do it tonight,” I say.
They blink rapidly, confusion and understanding warring for dominance. “The one to do … that?”
“Yes,” I say.
“Is that something you’ve tried before?”
“Only once.”
“And?”
I swallow to steady myself. “It wasn’t the right time. It wasn’t the right person. But this is, and you are. And if you’re willing, I’d like to try it again. I’d like to know … what it’s like with someone like you, someone I care about this much.”
“Diego,” they say, soft with wonder.
“You’ve broken down every line and barrier and binary that I thought I knew. Why not break this one down too?”
I try to chuckle, but I’m so nervous the sound trips out of me, clumsy and a little too high.
Avery strokes their hand through my hair. “Diego, I’d love to try this with you.”
A held breath blows out of me. I’m smiling. I’m relieved, I realize. I didn’t know I was so tense while waiting for their response. I didn’t know I wanted this so badly that I was hanging on the edge.
Avery pushes themself up, swapping our positions. I end up on my back gazing up at them, and I can’t imagine a more wonderful sight.
“I’m going to make you feel so good, baby,” they say.
And then they take me into the unknown.
