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She looks back and forth between both of us with a look of satisfaction. Even though her entire family isn’t here, I know that this makes her happy. She’s at peace with life, knowing that all of her kids are in a good place.
We all dig into our food and I struggle to ignore the white elephant that occupies the seat beside me at the table. I told Killian that I would wait for him. He told me not to. He told me to come find him after he got out of treatment. Instead, he found me.
But the question hangs heavily in the air as I shovel food into my mouth to prevent it from coming out.
What happens now?
TWENTY-SEVEN
KILLIAN
We finish up through the rest of dinner with Raina leading any conversation that was had between the three of us. It felt very much like she was avoiding certain topics and avoiding having Ainsley and I engaged in our own conversation that she couldn’t participate in.
In a way, it seemed selfish, but I know why she was doing it. She was doing it to protect Ainsley. Jude said that her living in her apartment didn’t work. I’d be willing to bet that I’m to blame for that and Raina heard all about what happened between us.
Ainsley is the first one finished with her dinner. She politely excuses herself, retreating to her bedroom, announcing that she needs to get a shower and stuff. Neither of us questioned what ‘and stuff’ meant, but I’m sure Ainsley just needs to go somewhere and breathe.
Which I completely fucking understand.
I’m lost at sea, continuously drowning in her ocean.
“Killian?” Raina breaks into my thoughts as she rises from her seat, collecting the dishes. I follow suit, grabbing some of them to help her take them back into the kitchen. “Can we talk for a moment?”
“Sure,” I tell her quietly, nodding as I follow after her, back into the dining room to get another load of dishes.
After the table is cleared, I settle beside her at the sink as she rinses off each dish and hands it to me to put into the dishwasher. Raina is silent for a moment, both of us lost in our own thoughts before she finally speaks. “I don’t want to see her get hurt again.” Her voice is quiet as she hands me another plate. “You didn’t see how she was after she came home and then after you went to the halfway house. I’m afraid for her, and I don’t want to see her go through that again.”
“Why are you afraid for her?” I ask, my curiosity getting the better of me. “I mean, I understand, but do you not think that she’s strong enough to handle that again?”
Raina glances at me out of the corner of her eye. “I think her demons are stronger.”
I purse my lips, shaking my head. “You don’t have to worry about that happening. I have no intention of ever breaking her heart again.”
“You didn’t in the past either,” she reminds me as she hands me the last dish. Grabbing the hand towel, Raina stands there, her eyes on me as she dries her hands. I place the plate in the dishwasher and stand upright as I close the door. “She never got over you, Killian. I honestly don’t know that she’d ever be able to.”
“I’m not here for her to get over me,” I tell her, leaning back on the counter as I cross my arms over my chest. “I’m here to remind her of what we had before… well, the good parts of it though.”
Raina’s eyebrows pinch together as her face contorts. “You need to remind her that it can be better than what you had before. And it will be. The connection between the two of you is undeniable.”
“It will be better,” I agree with her, my voice soft. I hear the water from the floor above us stop as Ainsley turns off the shower. “I’m better now.”
“I know you are.” She smiles, reaching out as she lightly touches my arm. “There was never anything wrong with you from the start. Just a few rough edges that needed to be smoothed.”
I smile back at her, pushing off the counter as I drop my hands back to my sides. Raina draws hers away from my arm and hangs her hand towel up at the stove. “I think I’m gonna go to bed, too.”
Raina doesn’t say anything. With no judgment on her face, she gives me a knowing smile and nods before she disappears into the living room. She understands, but I’m sure since we’re home, she would probably like to spend some time with us. If I wasn’t such a selfish asshole, I’d follow after her and watch whatever bullshit T.V. show she’s watching. The Killian that I was when I first moved in here wouldn’t have even had a conversation with her like I just did.
One step at a time.
I make my way upstairs, careful not to make too much of a sound as I walk up the staircase. My feet pad on the carpeted floor as I reach the top step and walk into the hallway. I pause, glancing around as I take it in. It almost feels like it used to—how things were before.
Nostalgia is a fucking liar.
Ainsley was the only good thing about life back then. We went through a lot of shit. We were both pretty fucked up at the time. It was fun while it was happening, but I would never go back in time to revisit our past. The only thing that matters now is our future. The future that I’m finally able to see with clear vision now.
When I reach the end of the hall, steam still drifts from the bathroom, but it’s empty and the light is turned on. A soft melody floats from the small crack in Ainsley’s door. I take a step closer, inching near her door as I press my ear against the space and listen. The distinct sound of the piano fills the room, sliding over my eardrums like silk.
My heart clenches in my chest and I inhale sharply. It’s been a long fucking time since I heard her play. Closing my eyes, I swallow over the emotion that wells in my throat. At the same time, I lean my weight into the door, completely forgetting that it’s not latched shut. All it takes is a split second, and the door is flying open and I’m falling onto the floor.
