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My chest rises and falls rapidly as I feel the anger boiling deep inside. As if she’s my saving grace, I see Raina’s black Porsche as she pulls up. She’s not really my saving grace though if she’s taking me back to my main fucking trigger.
“Tell mommy dearest that I send my warmest regards,” Jude says as he waves to Raina. “And stay the hell away from my sister. Do us all a favor and end up like your mom, in jail for a long fucking time or in the ground.”
Jude is lucky that I’m trying to leave this place as a different person than I was when I came here. I managed to stay off drugs this long and I haven’t beaten Jude’s face the entire time that I was here. Hell, I haven’t even been in a fight since I got in one with Ander when he came out of detox.
I clench my fist and swallow hard, shoving the anger away. I can’t let him get under my skin and get to me. Proving him wrong isn’t something that motivates me, but I loved the deflated look on his face when I walked into the house here. I can’t wait to see his face when I don’t end up like my own mother.
Throwing my arm over my head, I give him the middle finger and bite my tongue as I bound down the front steps. My footsteps are heavy and the weight is back on my chest again as I head toward Raina’s car. As long as I keep my head down and my distance, I can get through the next month or two at their house.
“Hi honey!” Raina says enthusiastically as I climb into the car. “I’m so glad to see you on the outside finally! I’m sorry I haven’t been by to see you since you moved in here. Things have been a little hectic at home.”
“Yeah, it’s been a while,” I grumble as I put my seat belt on. I’m really fucking annoyed after finding out that Ainsley is home. I can already tell by her facade that we aren’t going to talk about the white elephant riding in the back seat. “How are you and Marcus doing? You cleared it with him about me coming back?”
“Actually, no. Marcus no longer has a say in what goes on in my house anymore.” She gives me a small smile as she puts the car back in drive and pulls out onto the street. “After everything happened, we decided to go our separate ways. Our divorce was just finalized. He’s living in California now.”
Fuck, just add their divorce to the list of things that I fucked up.
“I’m sorry,” I grind out as I direct my attention out the window. I watch the storefronts pass by as we drive through the small town.
“Oh no, it had nothing to do with you,” she lies straight through her fucking teeth. Unless they were just as good at faking being happy like the rest of society. “It was a long time coming.”
The rest of the car ride is silent, but Raina is one person who has always been comfortable with the silence. When I first moved here, she was slightly overbearing as a mother, but it didn’t take long for her to understand that wasn’t something that was going to work with me. Instead, she gave me my space and became comfortable with the silence. She never fell short of showing her support, but she kept it subtle in ways that I didn’t miss and without being in my face about it.
“I see Jude is still doing well,” I muse out loud as we pull into the gated community. “I knew he worked at a halfway house, but I wasn’t expecting it to be this one.”
“Yes, he’s very fond of his job at Better Daze. Running the sober living home gives him a sense of comfort, knowing that he can make a difference in people’s lives.” She pauses for a moment as she pulls in the driveway and presses the button on the to open the garage door. “All that he’s ever wanted to do is help people and he’s able to there.”
I don’t miss the hidden message that hangs heavily in her words. Raina pulls the SUV into the one bay of the four-car garage, but my mind is still caught in the past. The only thing that Jude ever helped me with was getting arrested. I deserved it, I would be lying if I said that I didn’t. I can’t blame him for protecting his sister, but Jude is a fucking prick. If he wouldn’t have tried to intervene, the cascade of events that happened wouldn’t have.
Raina puts the car in park, turning it off before climbing out. I grab my bags from the back seat and get out as she motions for me to follow her. We walk into the house and I’m hit with the same familiar smell of vanilla and cinnamon. My feelings betray me, because it feels like home, but I know that it isn’t. Coming back here feels like walking straight back into my senior year of high school. And I don’t belong here.
“Your room is still the same,” Raina says quietly as she kicks off her shoes and walks into the kitchen. I follow silently behind, hearing my footsteps echoing through the massive house. “We didn’t touch anything in it after you went away.”
After I went away...
“Thanks.”
“Are you hungry?” Raina walks around the massive island in the middle of the kitchen and stops in front of the stainless steel refrigerator. I watch as she opens the doors and I’m hit with a feeling of nostalgia. She glances over her shoulder at me with her soft brown eyes that match the same ones that haunt my dreams.
We still haven’t addressed the fact that Ainsley and I will be living under the same roof again. But she’s concerned with whether or not I’m hungry.
I shift my weight on my feet, readjusting my bag on my shoulder. “I’m good.”
“Okay.” Her voice is soft and her smile is warm, but I don’t miss the disappointment in her voice. “Well, I have to do some work in my office, so make yourself at home. This is your home, Killian.”
I nod, feeling awkward under her gaze. I’ve always been a shithead, but she’s the one person that I’ve tried to have some respect for. She did take me in when I was seventeen years old. Not many foster parents like to foster teenagers, but she took that chance.
And I let her down.
She grabs a water bottle from the fridge for herself before turning to leave the room. “Make sure that you come down for dinner. Remember, we always eat at—”
“Six o’clock,” I cut her off with a ghost of a smile on my lips. Raina’s smile reaches her eyes and I know that she’s happy that I remembered. I watch her disappear from the kitchen before I set off to my old bedroom.
It brings me comfort, knowing that dinner is still the same time. Growing up as a foster kid in and out of the system, my life was inconsistent and unpredictable. I craved some sort of structure and Raina and Marcus gave me a taste of it. If there’s one thing about the Sinclair’s, it’s that they’re always predictable.
Except for Ainsley...there wasn’t a single thing that was predictable about her.
TWENTY-SIX
