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The minute that Ainsley starts to come down and feel the slightest symptom of a withdrawal, she’s snorting more lines in the bathroom. Grace knows that Ainsley has been stealing from her, but she hasn’t said anything, yet. It’s only a matter of time before it all catches up to us.
I said that I would go off the deep end with Ainsley. I’ve done a lot of drugs in the past and I was always able to walk away from them. Take it or leave it, I never got dependent. Every time Ainsley cuts a line, she cuts one for me too and like the fucking masochist that I am, I snort it too. I can feel the dependency snaking its way into my bones too.
For the first time in my life, I’m starting to feel like I’m addicted to something—someone.
I’m addicted to Ainsley and she’s worse than the fucking smack.
Ainsley senses me in the room, standing upright as she shuts off the faucet and wipes her mouth with the back of her hand. A smile forms on her lips as she stares back at me through the mirror. “Hey you.”
“Hey.” My voice is quiet as I step closer, wrapping my arms around her waist. I rest my chin on her shoulder, breathing in the sweet scent of her skin. “We need to talk.”
My stomach sinks as I whisper the words in her ear. The smile slips from her lips and I can tell by the way her face falls that she can feel the dread creeping in too. “Do we really have to do this right now?”
Ainsley turns in my arms, tilting her head back as she looks up at me. Her hands find the sides of my face. I open my mouth to speak, but she quiets me with her lips as she pushes up on her tiptoes and kisses me. Grabbing her hips, I lift her off the floor and onto the counter as she laces her fingers behind the back of my neck. Ainsley’s good at distractions and I’m good at saying fuck it all.
“Take me back to bed, baby boy,” she whispers against my skin as she drags her tongue down the side of my neck.
Her hoarse voice brings me back to reality. My eyes lift open and I stare at myself and the back of her head through the mirror in Grace’s bathroom. “No.”
“Come on,” she mumbles, the frustration clear in her words as she reaches for the waistband of my sweatpants. “I know what you want, Killian. Let me take care of you.”
My bloodshot eyes narrow at the reflection of the back of her head. “You don’t have the slightest idea of what I want.” I pull away from her, meeting her gaze as I glare down at her. The words taste bitter on my tongue and I regret them before I even speak them into existence. “I want you to go home, Ainsley.”
When I first met Ainsley, I wanted to destroy her and ruin her life. Now that she’s snaked herself inside my heart, I want to save her. I can’t do that here, not where she has access to whatever substances she wants. She needs to go home, back to her family, where she can get better without me. I’m not good for her. I never was.
I watch as her face transforms from hopeful to hurt as her eyebrows pinch together. “You don’t want me anymore.”
My heart breaks as I shake my head and take a step away from her. The thought alone pains me, but I know what I have to do. “No, I don’t.”
My rejection is the only thing that is going to get Ainsley away from me. It’s the only thing that could possibly save her. If she knows how badly that I want her here with me, she’ll never leave. And if she never leaves, she’ll never be able to get away from the drugs. I know how addiction works—regardless of where she is, she’ll get whatever it is that she wants, but if her parents know how bad it is, if they can get her help, then she won’t be able to.
I’m no good for Ainsley. I never was.
Ainsley’s lips pinch together and her brows relax as she gives me a detached stare. “That’s cool, I get it,” she says, her voice clearer than it’s been in months. “Take me home, then.”
Her sudden acceptance throws me off. This is a side of Ainsley that I haven’t gotten to know. The submission in her voice isn’t right, but it matches the detached stare that she gives me with her eyes glazed over. She’s checked out mentally, protecting herself from the lies that I’m feeding her.
She can act like she doesn’t care, but we both know that it’s as much of a lie as me telling her that I don’t want her. I just don’t want her here—not like this.
The walls of the room slowly close in on me and it’s suffocating. “I’m gonna go pack your shit and then we’ll head out, okay?” I take another step back, scratching at the back of my neck as the awkwardness settles in the air.
“Yep.” She gives me a curt nod as she hops down from the counter. “I need to go to the bathroom real quick and then I’ll be out.”
I pause in the doorway, my eyes narrowing at her. “I’m not leaving you alone in here, Ainsley.”
She tilts her head to the side with her same detached eyes glued to mine as a fake smile plays on her lips. “As cute and touching as that is, I’d appreciate some privacy while I go pee.”
“Promise me that that’s what you’re really doing in here?” I eye her skeptically.
“Don’t you trust me?” she questions me sarcastically, using my words against me from when I admitted that I’m in love with her.
My jaw tics. Fuck no, I don’t trust her. “Leave the door unlocked. If you’re not out in two minutes, I’m coming back in here.”
“Okay, dad, thanks.” She rolls her eyes as she walks over to the toilet. She hooks her fingers under the waistband of her panties and glares at me as I hover in the doorway. I swallow roughly, giving her a curt nod before stepping out of the room. I pull the door shut behind me, granting her wish, even though I know that I can’t let her out of my sight.
How the hell am I going to leave her ass at home and feel okay with that decision? I need to talk to Raina and give her a heads up. There needs to be a plan set before I drop her off or else she’ll fucking bolt. Ainsley is a runner, she won’t stay there by choice.
A heavy sigh falls from my lips as I walk into the living room area and find Ainsley’s bag. I fetch my phone out of my duffel bag and turn it on for long enough to text Raina that we’re coming there and give her a brief run down of the situation. I turn it back off before she has the chance to respond and tuck it back in my bag.
