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Ainsley’s shit is scattered about the room in the same fashion of how messy her bedroom always was. I quickly grab her things, shoving them into her bag, not caring if it’s clean or dirty. My head begins to throb as the dope that we did earlier has begun to wear off. Grace doesn’t have a damn clock in this apartment and I have no idea how long that Ainsley has actually been in the bathroom.
Dread sets in, mixing with a wave of nausea that hits me as my withdrawal kicks in. She should have been out by now...
I drop her bag down onto the mattress and stride across the room to the bathroom. My hand falls onto the knob but when I go to turn it, it doesn’t budge. She fucking locked it when I wasn’t paying attention. Panic sets in and I curl my hand into a fist as I begin to bang on the door.
It rattles on the hinges, the wood groaning as I pound on it, begging Ainsley to open it. I pause for a moment and wait, but the only response that I get is silence. That dreadful fucking silence sends a sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach.
I take a step back and lift my leg. Using all my weight, I kick the door by the knob twice before the wood begins to crack and splinter. One last final kick sends the door flying open, no doubt leaving a hole in the wall from where the knob hit inside the bathroom. My feet are unsteady but my movements are calculated as I walk into the room.
My eyes survey the bathroom, finding Ainsley curled up on the floor, shoved into the small space between the toilet and the bathtub. I drop down to my knees, crawling over to her pale, crumpled form as my hand hits something sharp. I glance down, seeing the used needle that pricked my skin.
Goddammit.
I don’t know where she got it from, but I’m sure that it’s from Grace, whether she knows it or not. Sliding my hands under Ainsley’s shoulders, I pull her out of the small space that she was crammed in and rip the rubber tourniquet from her arm before it cuts off her circulation for too long. Ainsley’s head rolls and she groans as a ragged breath slips from her lips.
“What the fuck did you do, baby?” I sigh, feeling the weight lifting from my chest as the dread mixes with the relief. I’m so goddamn relieved that she’s alive and I didn’t find her in the midst of an overdose. But why?
I know exactly why.
Her addiction has completely consumed her. After she shot up the first time, snorting it never came close to that high again. She’s lost, searching for something that she’ll never taste again. My hands stroke the sides of her face as I lift her head and rest it on my thigh.
“You didn’t have to do this to prove your point,” I murmur, brushing her white-blonde hair away from her face. “I didn’t mean any of it. I don’t want you to leave. I still fucking want you—more than I ever have—but I want you to get better. You can’t use like I do. You can’t take it or leave it, baby, and it’s going to kill you.”
Ainsley inhales slowly, releasing another ragged breath. “You should have left a while ago. You should have left me before I loved you.”
Emotion swells in my throat as my heart constricts. Her voice is barely audible, but I heard every word as clear as day. I drag the pads of my thumbs along her skin as I cup her cheeks. This isn’t how I wanted to hear it, but I feel her words vibrating in my fucking bones.
“You know that I couldn’t do that, baby girl.” I sigh, staring down at her as she slowly peels her eyes open. Her pupils are pin-sized, lost in her brown irises. “I’m selfish. I loved you too much then to realize it, but even if I did, I still wouldn’t have left.”
“I love you, Killian.” Ainsley breathes. “And I hate you for it.”
I stare down at her, my brows pinched together. “Why?”
“Because I told you that I can’t trust anyone with my heart and you ripped it from my chest without me saying you could.” She pauses, nodding off temporarily before she comes back to. “You think the dope will kill me, but loving you will be the death of me.”
FIVE
AINSLEY
I’m higher than a kite, floating in the clouds. I started off chasing the dragon, but now I’m riding it, soaring through the sky. My eyelids are heavy, every blink feels like there are bags of sand weighing them down.
Killian’s face is blurred as he stares down at me. His touch lights my skin on fire, the warmth spreading through my body with the heroin as he strokes the sides of my face. I’ve fought this for so long, I needed to admit it out loud to both of us.
Speaking the words into the universe solidified them. As high as I am, there’s nothing but truth in my admission.
I love Killian with every piece of my fucked-up soul. I’ve been in love with him for far too long now. Admitting it scared the hell out of me and it still does. He has the power to ruin me. All it would take is one crushing blow for him to completely destroy me and everything that I fought so hard against.
My addiction to the drugs doesn’t even matter at this point, because the draw to Killian is just as strong. And maybe that’s what really scares me.
One day he’ll leave and then what will I have?
He should have left me before he made me love him.
“Can you stand up?” he asks softly, his hands pausing as he cups the sides of my face. “If not, I can carry you, but let’s at least get out of this tiny ass bathroom.”
A chuckle vibrates in my chest but it never reaches my lips. “I think I can stand,” I mumble, using all of my strength to lift my head. The dope weighs it down and I quickly drop back into his lap. “Just give me a minute, okay?”
Killian shifts his weight out from under me as he scoops me up in his arms. “I got you, baby.”
