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I expect to hear something from Chase, but I don’t. He’s still in Cape Cod as far as I know of. I wonder how he’s managing since he needs someone to care for him. Worried, I go back and forth between deciding to text him and not. I text him.
M: We’re on the news. Did you see it? Thank you for the check, but it’s too much. I work and can take care of CJ. I hope you’re doing okay.
I debate whether to tell him I miss and love him. In the end, I don’t because I’m sure he doesn’t want that. He’s determined to be a martyr and push CJ and me from his life, and his attitude makes me wish I never got involved with him in the first place.
C: I know. Detective Stone notified me about Barrett. I know you work, but I want CJ to be well taken care of. Please let me contribute.
M: He needs his father in his life, not his money. Why can’t you understand that? Why can’t you see that we both love you?
C: Money is all I have to offer. I can’t be what you want.
Damn him! I want to call him and tell him that. Instead, I don’t text back. Doing so will only start a vicious circle. Chase will never admit that he loves us. He’s so convinced that he needs to be alone for the rest of his life, that he needs to live without love. Only he’s condemning me to the same fate, and he’s too selfish to realize that. After him, I’m not sure I can ever love anyone else the same way. He’s my other half. I knew it from the moment we started to sleep together. I loved him even back then.
Chapter 22
Three Months Later
It’s Christmas in New York—the best time of the year. CJ is over nine months old now and is babbling up a storm. The first time he said dada, my heart tugged not only because it’s early for a baby to speak, but because his daddy isn’t around. Chase has not been in our lives since Cape Cod. The checks come the first of each month and are immediately deposited into a custodial bank account for CJ. As soon as it reaches six figures, I plan on investing some of it for his college education.
I’m sure that Chase has already set something up, but he never talks to me about those things. After all this time, I can’t wrap my head around his choices. I still love him, and despite the constant attention from a new male neighbor of mine, I can’t bring myself to grant him a date. I know I should move on with my life because this time, Chase made it clear he is not coming back to me.
One day, Hunter told me that he met Chase in Spivey’s grocery. They chatted for a few minutes, and Hunter said he had the overwhelming urge to grab him by the collar and shake him. I doubt it would have done any good.
Dr. Revere, using her connections, told me that Chase quit his position at the hospital when he came home from Cape Cod. I have no idea what he’s doing with himself since I know that he isn’t working in research.
I went back to work four weeks after I came home. My head felt better, and the dizziness was gone, but my heart hurt. I needed to be kept busy even though all the cattiness and gossip that was there when I left had disappeared. All I received was pity from my coworkers' gazes. They were well aware of what happened to me and CJ. Even Cindy humbled herself enough to apologize for her behavior. We’re not back to where we were before she made her feelings known, but I’ve forgiven her.
A week before Christmas, I ask Hunter and Rory to watch CJ. I need to get some shopping done, and it’s incredibly tough with a squirmy worm in tow. My target is Fifth Avenue because I have a big list of things to purchase for my family. After searching for three hours, my feet are killing me, and I’m sick of being pushed back and forth by other shoppers. I decide to make one more purchase, and then I’m going home.
I head for the jewelry counter at Macy’s. Hunter mentioned a diver’s watch that he was interested in, and even though it’s expensive, he deserves it. He has been so helpful and supportive of me. Not just in the past three months, but for all the years I’ve known him. As I’m looking at the watches, I turn my head and come face to face with Chase. My stomach tightens with anxiety.
“Miss Stanford. How are you?” His voice is so familiar, but it makes me shake.
“Don’t call me that. I had your child, so it’s Megan,” I say in a low voice.
He ignores my statement. “How are you and CJ?”
“You can come by my apartment anytime to see how we’re doing. I know your son would love to see you. You know he says dada all the time. It’s one of his only words.”
His face remains blank. “Are you using my checks wisely?”
“They’re going into the bank for CJ’s college fund.”
“You don’t need to do that. I have that taken care of already.”
A couple of customers behind me start tapping their feet. Glaring, I pick up my bags and move away, hoping Chase will follow me. When I turn, he’s starring after me, and I gesture for him to come.
“Why are you so stubborn, Chase? Are you deliberately denying your son because you think we come as a package? I know you don’t want me anymore, but CJ has nothing to do with our relationship.”
“That couldn’t be further from the truth.”
“What? That you deny your son? Money doesn’t make up for you. He needs you to love and spend time with him.”
“No, that I don’t want you. That’s not true.”
My mouth hangs open a bit, and I close it, not knowing what to say next.
“Excuse me?”
