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Maybe taking the test will give me the courage to be honest with myself. That never experiencing the joy of holding my own child someday hurts deeper than I care to admit.
I trudge into the bathroom and turn the faucet on, so Andi isn’t listening to me pee on the stick. Not that she would mind since she earns a living working at one of the hospitals back home.
The timer Andi set on her phone sounds. “Time’s up.” Her knowing gaze meets mine. “If you’re scared to look, I can.”
I nod as tears form in the creases of my eyes. “I don’t think it’s going to say anything other than negative, but what if I’m pregnant? I’d be having the baby of a man who cheats. Who didn’t love me enough to stick out the first hard patch we hit. It’d be too soon for Creed to factor into the equation.”
“You have options.”
“Like an abortion? I believe in a woman’s right to choose. It’s just that for me personally. I don’t think I could go through with it.”
“There’s also adoption.”
“Smoke would never go for that.”
“Maybe not. Though you don’t have to be with him to be a mom.”
“Why are we even talking about this? I know what it’s going to say.”
“Ember.” Andi takes my hands in hers. “Look at the test and tell me what it says.”
I roll my eyes. “Why?”
“I know what it says, but you need to read it for yourself.”
I stare at the simple plus sign on the digital screen. “It’s got to be a mistake. Right?”
“I don’t believe so and deep down you don’t either.”
“I need to go.” I jump up and start shoving my stuff into my bag.
“Running away won’t change the result.”
“I know that,” I snap.
“I know you’re freaking out, but now isn't the time to be alone.”
“How do I tell Creed? I know we’re fucking, but by the way, I’m pregnant with my exe’s baby? He’s going to want as far away from me as possible.”
“No one says you have to tell anyone right now, but I think you owe it to Smoke and yourself to have a conversation with him at some point after this sinks in. Creed too, once you’re ready.”
“I don’t think I’ll ever be ready.”
“I know it may seem like your life is over, but I promise you that it’s only just beginning.”
“I think I’m going to go for a walk. Clear my head a bit.”
“Want me to tag along?”
“No, but thanks for being here. I appreciate you and know you speak from the heart. Will you keep this between us for now? Please?”
“My lips are sealed. Though you shouldn’t go walking alone.”
“I’ll be careful and don’t plan on straying far.”
“Be careful and if you need anything, I’ll be around. You can trust me.”
“Thank you.” We share a brief hug, and I struggle with my tears.
