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The way he says those two words, imploring and desperate, makes me lose my breath. He’s serious.
“Hurting you won’t make me feel better, Luke.”
“Yes, but it will make me feel better. And it will prove to you just how much I trust you.”
I take another step toward him. When he can finally reach me, he puts out a hand and touches my leg, nudging me closer until he can rest his face against my stomach. His cheek is pressed to my belly, and his arms wrap around my thighs.
Is this the same man who was once so controlled and dominant? Right now, he is on his knees for me, begging me to do the things to him that he once did to me. And I realize at this moment how much I want to.
This is so different from what we did before. When I would act out on purpose to receive my punishment. What Lucas is asking for now is a chance to pay his penance, to rid himself of his guilt by enduring something painful, to sacrifice his comfort for mine.
His head turns until he’s staring up at me.
I stroke my fingers through his hair. It hits me just how much I’ve missed him.
“I want to hear you say this is what you want,” I say. “Not just what you think I want.”
He squeezes me tighter. “I want this. Sadie, I need this.”
Feeling renewed with purpose, I take a step away from him. He releases me reluctantly and gazes up at me as he waits.
“Stand up,” I say, leaving my hands by my sides. My tone is flat, and my face is expressionless. He eagerly moves to his feet. “Take your clothes off.”
With an unsteady breath, he unbuttons his shirt and pulls it from his shoulders. I don’t take my eyes away from him for a second, watching him without a hint of emotion on my face. But as he unbuckles his pants and slides them down with his underwear, exposing him from top to bottom, I falter. I feel myself warming at the sight of his body. His cock is still soft, and I take that as a sign of how serious he is about this. Not to say he won’t be turned on by the intensity of what’s about to happen to him. It just means he’s not in this for the sex.
After he’s slipped off his shoes and pulled his pants from around his ankles, he stands in front of me, completely naked and waiting for my instructions. I let my eyes rake over him, appreciating just how perfect Lucas is. On top of being brilliant and confident, he’s also stunning—the most handsome man I’ve ever met. And on top of that, now he’s showing vulnerability for me, and it makes my heart swell.
Already, I forgive him. At this moment, I know I’m taking him back and letting him have whatever he wants. Because this small gesture alone is enough to prove to me that he’s not the same man he was six months ago. He cares about something more than himself.
He cares about me.
“Turn around and bend over the bed. If you want me to stop, say the word stop, and I will.”
“Okay,” he says without hesitation. Then he gives me one last glance before turning around and folding himself over the bed. It’s too low to lay his body against, so he holds tight to the footboard. From this angle, he’s even more exposed and vulnerable, and I take a moment to appreciate that.
There is nothing sexier than vulnerability. Lucas is a strong, powerful man, but I’ve brought him to his knees. I have him at my mercy. He’s granting me the most delicate part of himself and laying everything aside for me. I have to swallow down the emotion this brings to the surface.
Walking over to him, I lay my hand against the bottom of his spine and slide it over his back, feeling the goose bumps rising across his skin. Then I slide my hand down, floating over the crack of his ass and feeling him stiffen. I massage each side slowly, and a thrum of pleasure builds in my core at the sight of his body like this.
Leaving him briefly, I move to the cabinet of toys against the wall. Opening it, I find a light-blue paddle that matches the aesthetic of the room. With a hint of a smile on my face, I lift it from the hook and carry it back over to where Lucas is bent over for me.
“Let’s start with twelve swats from the paddle, and I want you to count, Dr. Goode. Don’t forget to call me by name after each one. And if you are good and take your punishment, I might let you feel the flogger next. Understood?”
He lets out a shaky breath. “Yes, Miss Green.”
“Very good.”
Rearing back my hand, I rest a hand on his back as I let the paddle fly. I put everything into that first swing. Everything he wants. Like bleeding out the pain I’ve felt. The hope, the love, the fear, the anger. I give it all to him.
And judging by the howl he lets out, he feels it all.
Forty
Lucas
The paddle hurts a lot fucking more than I expected. But I love it. I want it. I crave it.
I need to feel every ounce of pain that Sadie wants to give me. After only a few smacks of the hardwood against my ass, I’m starting to sweat. With each one, I let out a stifled grunt of pain, but I endure it. There’s pride in endurance.
