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Pictures from the photo booth at the mall from our first official date, a poster for Mulligan’s first show, the drawing of our tattoos. Everything I thought to keep was in that box.
Blake suddenly slammed the lid back down. “I can’t do this.” He held the box out at me. “Take it.” But when I just stared at him, he shook his head. “What is the point of all of this, Tommy? To break my heart again, bring up old memories I’ve tried like hell to forget? You broke my heart, stabbed me in the back.”
“I did all of that for you,” I reminded him. “I wanted you to go and live your life. Experience the world and achieve your dreams so you didn’t end up”—I waved a hand at myself—“like this.”
“You lied to me!” Blake dragged a hand through his hair. “I wanted a life with you, and I would have been fine if I hadn’t gone to California. Instead, I spent years making sure Killian didn’t drown himself in booze or inhale the wrong drug, hoping Maverick didn’t start a fight with the wrong person, and watching Dean hop from girl to girl, trying to find the next Helena. I was just as miserable as they were, but no one knew because I had to be the adult in the band. The goddamn saint.” He pushed me away when I reached out to touch him.
“I’m sorry.”
“Sorry isn’t good enough, Tommy.”
I nodded. “You’re right, it’s not. I just don’t know what else to say.” Blake climbed to his feet. Crap, was he going to leave already? “Do you... Can you maybe stay a little longer?” His green eyes went wide. “I missed you. I should have asked you last night to stay, but I let my pride get in the way.”
“You want me to stay here? With you?” he asked, then chewed on his lip.
He looked like he was ready to run. Sprint out my door and get as far away from me as possible. I couldn’t blame him.
I shrugged. “We used to have sleepovers all the time. I hate being alone all the time, and what’s better than having my best friend sleeping in the same room as me?”
“Best friend, huh?” Blake sighed softly. “Where am I supposed to sleep? On the floor?”
“No, you’re supposed to sleep in my bed.”
Crap, what if he was dating someone? The thought had never occurred to me. Wouldn’t they be with him for the wedding if that were the case? Unless they were coming later. My stomach twisted at the thought.
“Are you seeing someone?”
Blake smiled and ducked his head. “I’m not.” He worried his lip between his teeth. “I just don’t think it’s a good idea.” He was probably right.
“I see a therapist a couple of times a week,” I blurted, unable to look at his face. “I have severe PTSD. I have horrible nightmares that cause me to wake up screaming. Sometimes it’s the accident, other times it’s not.” I didn’t want to bring up the ones that were about him. About Blake being the one hit in the face with a skate, that I was the one who did it. “I haven’t been able to get back on the ice. I tried once, had a panic attack, and ended up being escorted out by the medical team. That’s when I decided to pack up my things and come home to Canfield.”
“Tommy.” Blake’s voice was a soft whisper as he reached for my hand. “You should have told me.”
I glanced down at where our fingers were intertwined. Would things have been different if we had been together? I thought about that a lot. If Blake had stayed here with me instead of going out to pursue his dreams. It would have riddled me with guilt if I hadn’t done what I had done.
“I’m sorry.” It was the only thing I could think of to say.
“I should go.”
“Yeah, okay, I understand.”
But when Blake didn’t move, just continued to hold my hand, I dared to glance up at him under my lashes and found him watching me. “You can borrow something of mine to sleep in.” Please, please, please. Don’t leave me yet. I need you.
“I can do that.” Blake nodded.
***
“Tommy!” Blake’s voice was in my ear. “Tommy, wake up. You’re having a nightmare.”
My eyes snapped open to find him straddling me, his eyes wide with fright. I stared at him as my heart raced, and I tried to remember what it had even been about. I realized I was covered in sweat.
“Shit, I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“You were screaming.” Blake’s green orbs searched my face as he reached up to push the sweat-soaked hair from my forehead. I tried not to flinch when he touched me, but it was automatic when someone got that close to my scar.
My throat felt tight. I automatically wrapped my arms around him and pulled him against me. “Please don’t leave.”
Just having him this close was enough to make me feel normal again. At least for a few seconds. His entire body went stiff against mine, but he didn’t pull away until I released my grip on him and then he slumped back down onto the mattress next to me.
