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11
It had been a few days since the morning Vic had woken up in Julia’s bed, and Vic and Hyzenthlay were at the stables. A group of dogs scuttled around Vic’s legs.
Her day out with Julia had been the most fun Vic had had in ages. She had loved taking Julia out of her comfort zone and immersing her in the zombie experience. She had seen how unsure Julia had been at the idea of it and how afraid Julia had been when the actors playing zombies had descended on them, but what she liked most of all was that Julia hadn’t been afraid to do it anyway. Julia might have clung to her throughout, and that made Vic feel powerful, but she had at no point said she wouldn’t do it.
Then there was the overnight. There was Julia kissing her on the sofa in her room. It had blown Vic’s mind. There had been more intensity to that kiss than there had to any of Vic’s sexual experiences that she could recall.
Vic also couldn’t recall the last time she had put a stop to anything that got that heated, but it hadn’t felt right. She had known Julia was vulnerable in her grief that day and she hadn’t wanted to be someone who took advantage of that.
Vic was thoughtful as she swung her leg over into Satan’s saddle. He immediately jogged sideways as though he was excited to do something.
“You had better have dressage in your mind today, my boy, because that is what we are going to be doing.” Vic sat calmly and quietly, waiting for Satan to calm and relax underneath her. She felt his muscles relax and his tense jog become a quiet walk.
“Good boy.” Vic guided him forwards to the arena, glancing over at Hyzenthlay who was taking a nap on a bundle of horse blankets arranged in a wheelbarrow. It looked comfy to be honest.
People said Vic had a gift for getting the best out of so many different horses, and Vic wondered if it was ever true that people had a gift at anything. She had had a wonderful riding coach when she was a child and she had practiced for many, many hours over many, many years riding many different horses. That is what gave you a gift. She was an expert in what she did and it was no accident.
She remembered the words of wisdom from her coach from years ago.
Each and every horse needs something different from you, you need to assess that before you get on them and as soon as you get on them, you need to adapt yourself to be the best for them. You can be the best, Victoria, you just have to be prepared to put in the work, when others are taking a day off or don’t really want to ride the difficult horses. If you put the hours in and keep learning, you’ll be the best.
She rode into the arena to practice Satan’s dressage. Erin and Shimmer were already in there, Shimmer was focussed and sweating lightly. Erin steadied her to a walk.
“What are you lost in thought about today, Ms Grey-Hughes?”
Vic turned her head, suddenly snapped out of her deep thought. “Oh fuck. Well, lots of things really. How long have you got?”
Erin laughed. “All the time in the world. Satan looks amazing, you know. You’ve really brought out the best in him since you’ve had him. He looks like a world beater now.”
“Funny, I was just fucking thinking about that, Bodyguard. Well, not that exactly, just about my old riding coach I had growing up. I was lucky really. I had very wealthy parents. Our house had its own stables and fields and horses. Then as I got older, I managed to acquire other horses. The ones nobody wanted, the ones that were too difficult to ride. All of those gave me the skills I have today. Even at boarding school, I got to take my horses. That’s like the epitome of privilege right there.”
“Financial privilege, maybe. You have connections with horses and dogs instead of people.”
“Maybe so,” Vic replied, squeezing her legs slightly and urging Satan forwards into a trot. His trot was powerful and full of exhibition and grace. Erin was right, he was going so well lately. He was still young, but he was beginning to remind Vic of Excelsior, her Olympic horse, and that made her feel excited.
Satan was focussed and foot perfect as he moved around the arena. Erin and Shimmer took a break and stood waiting in the middle as Erin continued their conversation.
“Is this really about horses?” Erin could see right through her.
Vic completed another circle with Satan, extending the trot, then collecting the trot back up; she was testing him and at the same time, showing him off to Erin. She knew he was exceptional.
“Ugh. Not totally. There’s still the Swoolia thing. I can’t stop thinking about her.”
“And what does Swoolia want?”
“You didn’t tell Alex, did you?” Vic panicked momentarily as she pushed Satan forwards to a canter. He was calm, controlled and fucking perfect.
“I didn’t tell her anything, I promise.”
Vic felt reassured. “I don’t fucking know. I wish I knew. I mean, I think she wants me. But meanwhile she has all this dead fucking wife stuff. Like I’m sad for her. So sad for her. But should I be having sex with someone who is still grieving their dead wife?”
“Are you having sex with her?”
“No!”
Not yet.
“Look, Vic, we all have something we are grieving. It just might not be so obvious. You are grieving your lost childhood, your parents who showed you no love, your nannies abandoning you. Julia is grieving something obvious, the loss of her wife, but you can empathise with that, you can care for that. People are all complex. Life is complex.”
