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Guilt and pride had me running in the opposite direction.
Shame kept my lips sealed.
Why?
If I brought Crystal to Jeremiah and he got the results back that I was indeed the baby’s father, then I’d have to admit he’s about to become an uncle because I purposely asked her to keep the baby. I’d have to admit that this was my trump card for mom. Giving her a piece of what she’s always asked of me. Trying to do right, though it was unorthodox as hell.
Going to the text, I enlarged the black-and-white photo before handing him my phone. “You’re going to be an uncle.”
I watched a series of emotions hurdle across his face. For a while, he sat scratching his beard, staring at the photo. When he pulled out his phone and enlarged the photo to the corner where all her information was typed, I leaned over to see what he was doing. This fool was googling her name, and this was the part that had me worried.
The judgment.
“She’s a beautiful woman. Very beautiful.” He handed my phone back with a smirk. “Can’t say that I’m surprised. I knew it would happen sooner than later. How do you feel? How does she feel?”
If only he knew.
Scratching behind my ear, I took another look at my phone to see if she had responded. “She hates me right now and, to be honest, I don’t blame her.” After Crystal made it clear she didn’t need my help financially or with the health insurance, that made me feel a way. Made me feel pissed as hell if she was still out here busting it wide open while carrying my child.
So, I went looking.
Pulled up our filming schedule over the last four months and upcoming. Pregnant porn is a big seller in the adult industry. A beautiful woman with an even more beautiful glow equaled top dollar. I knew the game. I knew the industry, but I’ll be damned if she was going to be a part of that freak show, and luckily for my sanity she wasn’t.
How did she make her money?
Ironically, doing the same thing Sunnie does; a social media influencer but for pregnant women. Brand endorsements from major brands. Collaborations and posting content that gained attraction. She made her money from social media. Going down a rabbit hole on her TikTok account, I found that she had this whole enlightening moment when she first heard the baby’s heartbeat. Even showed the video of her reaction and how that moment changed her life. How she questioned why God would bless a woman like her to be a mother when she’d showed her body off to the masses. Of course, you had the trolls and mean people who judged and slandered everything she said, but the good comments and support outweighed the bad tremendously. I went to her Twitter account to see just how far removed she was from the industry and she deleted her old account and started a new one with no nudes or anything. Tried to find her OnlyFans account and came up empty-handed. Same thing with all the other sites she used to use.
I wanted to be pissed at her for not telling me that that’s not what she wanted to do anymore. But again, I was to blame.
She sent text messages and voicemails asking if I’d remove her content. Explaining how she didn’t care about the money and even wanted to set up a payment plan for the funds she’d been given and wanted to pay back. Checked my email and there were several emails from her begging me to delete her entire catalog. Yes, it was the internet, but I had the power to get her removed from the top sites.
Money talked and bullshit walked.
On my way over to Jeremiah’s house, I called my IT manager and website maintenance director and told them to delete everything with her in it and text me when it was done. After that call, I got on another with my accountant and had him deposit a nice I’m sorry deposit along with setting up bi-weekly deposits into her account. Last call was to HR. I hadn’t made a final decision on whether I was going to sell my company or dismantle it completely, but I knew I had to move on from it, and until then Crystal would receive the same benefits I had until that time came. Once our child was born, they’d be covered too.
Fucked up part of it all, handling those three tasks, and having three conversations took less than forty-five minutes. It caused me no harm or foul. I’m such an asshole. I refused to label myself as a fuck nigga, approaching the border, but not there yet.
“She’s five months pregnant. We’re supposed to find out what she’s having next week.” I hope her heart softens towards me by then. “Prior to me recently seeing her and earlier on in her pregnancy, I neglected Crystal. Hadn’t seen her since the day we took the DNA test, me and three other dudes. The wildest shit I’ve ever been a part of, but I knew it was mine deep down. It wasn’t intentionally planned, but I played a major part in her decision to keep it.”
“Because of mom?” There was no hiding with Jeremiah. He knew me better than anyone.
“Yeah.” I’d yet to admit that to anyone but him. “I stopped caring after mom died. It’s like it didn’t matter anymore. That fuck part of me had myself thinking some messed up shit. Not answering her calls or texts. Giving a thousand and one excuses why I hadn’t done things in her favor for the health and safety of my child. Then when I do see her and she stands on business and tells me what it is and isn’t going to be, I get in my damn feelings. She won’t talk to me. I have to go through Sunnie for all communications because I lost that privilege when I ignored her.”
I don’t think labeling Crystal as a baby mama from hell fits. If anything I was the baby daddy from hell. Trifling and every harsh word I’m sure she spewed in her friend’s group chat. She and I had to come to a medium, and right now I knew her decisions were protection and emotionally led. While I appreciated Sunnie stepping in where she wasn’t asked, that was my child. Crystal is my child’s mother.
“In hindsight at least you don’t have to worry about whether or not she and Sunnie will get along. When do you plan on telling people?”
If I had my way, no one would know and from the information I found on Crystal’s page, she felt the same way. In the comments, people asked who the child’s father was, and she either ignored them or said somebody’s son.
I was somebody’s son alright.
“Not sure. My immediate circle knows, and that’s all that I care about right now. I’m sure if she wanted the world to know she would’ve blasted it to the blogs by now.” That was another thing I respected about Crystal. During the DNA process, she was adamant about keeping all of us from crossing paths and not knowing names out of respect for her privacy and safety, and the privacy of us individually. She never shared who the other potentials were, only stating that she needed us to take a test to get eliminated as a potential. The group chat wasn’t your standard chat. Crystal used one of those messaging systems that only allowed her to communicate. I couldn’t see the numbers of the other men. It labeled us all as ‘man 1, man 2, man 3, and man 4.’ If I wanted to talk to her or she wanted to speak to me directly, she texted me from her number.
Technology for your ass.
“I’m about to be an uncle.” His smile reached ear to ear. “Congratulations, man. Hug me.”
My shoulders felt lighter. Not that I was seeking Jeremiah’s approval, but his reaction and judgment added over twenty pounds of unwanted stress. I needed his support and reassurance. Outside of Sunnie, he’s all the family I had.
