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Nope.
Selfishness choked me good, wanting to stay in our love bubble.
“Nice to meet you, Sunnie. Get my number from him so I can start looping you in on what’s going on with the baby. If I don’t hear from you.” She shrugged. “Trust me, I won’t take it personal. Bye.” Her door closed and we left feeling like we got our asses beat.
I felt the rage rolling off his body in waves.
He said nothing on the elevator ride. Forever the perfect gentleman, he helped me in the car and buckled my seatbelt. But as soon as he got in and started the car, he released all his anger on the poor steering wheel.
“Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” he yelled over and over.
I started to fix my mouth to say everything was going to be okay, but I wasn’t sure.
“I’ll have the results for you by mid-week.” Loosening the tourniquet around my arm, Jeremiah collected all blood and urine samples and placed them in his medical bag.
Same dance and song we performed every six weeks.
Unashamed, I sought him out to get tested and wait for the results that will either make or break me.
A month and some change has gone by since I had sex. A month and some change since I touched a drug or drank my favorite laced drink. I should’ve been shivering in a corner somewhere going through withdrawals but once again God gave me something I didn’t deserve - His grace and mercy. Maybe He knew that I wasn’t strong enough to go through it and survive alone.
The politics behind His reasoning to spare me didn’t matter.
I’m forever grateful that He, as my father, knew what His son could and couldn’t handle, and didn’t make me suffer.
“Uh…” We were in his basement turned man cave. Far away from the kids and Leann, they wouldn’t be able to overhear our conversation. It didn’t stop me from looking around and making sure we were the only ones down here. “I’m having some issues getting an erection. Sunnie has been in my space for months and I can count on one hand how many times my dick got hard. I think the drugs I was using are finally influencing me.”
Shifting into doctor mode, his head tilted and eyes narrowed, arms crossed across his chest. “If I’m not mistaken, we had this same conversation last year when your blood test came back positive for all those drugs.” Hard eyes and clenched jaw glared at me. A stance of a parent scolding their child. “You’re a glutton for punishment, Ezekiel. I told you this would happen, and you refused to listen. Forever thinking you’re invisible to the consequences of your actions. Now that you want to give your dick to somebody you actually care about, you want to get concerned about your health. Am I wrong?”
No, he wasn’t.
For years, Jeremiah has begged me to leave the drugs alone. Begged me to stop having unprotected sex with so many women. It didn’t matter that his medical office was on my payroll and all my staff and entertainers had to go to his office to get weekly and monthly tested. As a doctor, he knew the risk I put myself in by having sex and doing drugs, and now that I wanted to change career paths and get serious with Sunnie, I completely understood his frustration.
I used to be hardheaded and liked to get my dick wet.
“When was the last time you had sex and did drugs?”
“Some months ago.” I don’t think I’ll ever admit that I was on set making a video the same day mom died.
“I need you to give your body time to adjust and regroup. Go on a cleanse and a fast. Only vegetables, fruits, nuts, and alkaline water. A healthy detox. Do this for at least thirty days and you should slowly start to see a change. You can’t rush the process, Zeek. You’ve done a lot of damage to your body over the years and want quick results. That’s not how this works. Be patient with yourself. Love on your temple. You only get one.” My brother was right. He spoke not one wrong word.
I used to think fulfilling all my lustful desires was equivalent to treating my body good. Whatever or whomever I craved, I acted on it with no shame. What was the point of being selfish with me when there was enough of me to go around to every woman I wanted?
Small thinking.
“What else is on your mind? While I enjoy your company, you’ve been hiding in my basement for two days. Are you ready for Sunnie to leave and don’t know how to tell her?”
Ha, never.
My reasoning for hiding out at his house wasn’t because of Sunnie. She knew where I was and who I was with. We talked throughout the days that I’ve been here. It was her idea for me to even come here to clear my head after that bullshit popped off with Crystal. I hadn’t been able to bounce back after hearing how I treated her.
“I fucked up, Mi. I’ve made a lot of selfish decisions in my life, but this one takes the cake.” Tugging my beard, I looked down at my phone, hoping today would be the day Crystal responded to me and not went through Sunnie.
She’s carrying my baby, not hers.
“I’m listening.” Going into his mini fridge, he took out two waters and handed me one before sitting on the stool across from me.
Jeremiah has run every blood test I’ve ever requested since he graduated from med school. He’s even been the one performing the DNA test on babies that women have tried to pin on me over the years. But when it came to Crystal, I made sure we went somewhere far. To California and a doctor who wasn’t in the same circles as my brother.
