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Following the same steps as my dad, she hugged me and kissed my cheek. “A lot of things were said today. Emotions are high and all of us need time to process. I love you, baby girl.” She left, and I was left alone.
Crystal
What type of games are you playing?
Hello!!!!
This is some bullshit, Damien. I swear I wish I never agreed to this. Out of all people you give me your ass to kiss!!!!
Why aren’t you answering my calls or texts?
Don’t even worry about it.
“Shit.” Groaning, I rubbed my tired eyes and got out of bed. Four o’clock in the morning and my head was pounding. Sunnie had gotten up minutes ago to use the bathroom and never came back.
I wanted to be angry with Crystal, but I couldn’t. We were in this predicament because of me. That’s the part that pissed her off. The day she took the pregnancy test was the same day I asked her to keep the baby. Three other men potentially being the father, went in one ear and out the other. My reasons for asking that of her were selfish. Senile almost. Mom’s health had taken a turn for the worse and she always got on my case about marriage and kids. Getting married was out of the question but giving her a grandbaby with my DNA was the ultimate trump card in giving my mother some form of happiness.
Crystal’s pregnancy seemed like a blessing in disguise.
I finally had something good to give my mom.
She refused to take my money but she wouldn’t refuse to love a child that was part of me.
When she died it’s like I stopped caring but God wouldn’t let me. He sent me Bishop’s way and gave me a new sense of purpose for the child He blessed me with.
Grabbing a bottle of water out the fridge, I looked around my dark condo trying to find the bushy head woman who left the right side of my bed cold. Ever since she came back from having brunch with her parents a couple days ago, she’s been quiet. Unusually quiet. Wiping tears when she thought I wasn’t looking. Barely eating or sleeping. As much as I wanted to protect her heart, these were lessons she had to learn on her own.
Curled up on the lounge chair out on the balcony, tears poured down her face in heavy waves. On her phone was a video playing of her and Hillary. Laughing and having a good time. It felt like yesterday since her death, though it had only been a month. I can’t imagine the trauma Sunnie felt. Being the one who found her best friend. Barely able to grieve that huge loss before coming to be by my side while I grieved for my loved one. She’s been everything to me. Taking on my burdens without being asked on top of dealing with her own shit.
Feeling my presence, she expressed, “We had so much fun at Coachella last year.” She giggled mid-cry. “My kidneys kicked my ass at the end of our trip, but finally getting Summer to drive the boat was worth it.” Goosebumps covered my arms, hearing her sob into her hands. “In August, we were supposed to go into business with each other. All three of us. Coming together to create a luxury line of handbags and travel sets. Everything was in place. The name, website, and samples. Everything. We had it all planned, Zeek.”
Needing to cover her, I moved with haste to scoop her up in my arms and take her back inside, where it was warm. My chest is where she found comfort and peace to release her heart’s troubles. Her chest to my chest, one heart being fast and the other steady, working in tandem to get her to calm the raging storm brewing within her.
“We had it all planned until it wasn’t. I checked in on Hillary every day, multiple times a day. It’s like God had given me an angel on earth to help me, but then took her back because He needed her more and that’s not fair. Not fair to my heart, to her parents and family. I miss my friend so much, Zeek.”
I held her while she cried in my chest. Sobbed hard to the point her wails triggered my own. Eventually, she cried herself to sleep, snuggling until her face rested in the crook of my neck. While she rested, I talked to God. Asked Him to show her grace and mercy. Asked him to strengthen her heart and replace her sorrow with joy. Asked Him to order my steps and guide me on the proper way to love her during this season of her life. Sunnie barely knew what she needed to exist for a day. I needed help in this foreign space. I wanted to help because I love her.
From early morning till early afternoon, we laid there. She slept, and I covered her. My pride received a gold star knowing that she felt safe enough with me to cleanse her soul in tears and lay in my arms for a fresh newness.
When her lashes started to blink, sweeping over her cheeks and body squirming in my arms, my arms were still holding her.
“Thank you.” She sat up, resting her chin on my chest. “I’ll make it up to you by cooking a nice lunch. Are you okay with that?”
Had I been hungry for food, yes.
But I wanted something different.
I wanted something deeper. Something intangible.
“I don’t want food.” My knuckles caressed her cheek, causing a soft smile to touch her lips.
“What do you want?”
“I want to see you naked.” She stiffened against me, eyes wide, and mouth gapped. Kissing her nose, I offered clarity. “Making love to you sounds heavenly, Sunnie Mae. My request isn’t sexual. Do you trust me?”
She answered without hesitation though her eyes said another. “I trust you.”
“Hold on to me.”
