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Those brown hues watched my every move. Carrying her into the kitchen and placing her on the countertop, my chuckles against her neck distracted her long enough to reach for the scissors.
“Look at me, Sunnie.” She finally tore her eyes from the scissors to focus on me. “I want to see you naked, Sunnie Mae. Not how social media sees you. I want to see the real you.”
I started with her long fake nails. One by one I cut them down to where her natural nails began. Then I removed her lashes. Next came the olive oil to rub on the edge of her lacefront to loosen the glue. I’ve been around enough women to know certain tricks to keep her edges. Once I had the wig off I cut out each piece of string used to hold down her braids, being very precise and careful not to cut her hair. I combed out each braid and massaged her scalp before laying her down with her head hanging in the sink to wash her hair.
Tears slowly fell, and I kissed each of them away. Forehead kisses that made her cry harder. Gave her a mean head massage working in the conditioner. Toweled her dry and added in leavin conditioner. All supplies I made known were from my niece when she stayed over.
Speaking of my niece, thanks to our uncle and niece's weekend sleepovers, I knew how to detangle Sunnie’s hair and put it in two pigtail braids.
“You’re beautiful, baby.” She hadn’t been able to stop crying. “The world expects you to be dolled up twenty-four seven. You don’t have to do that with me, Sunnie Mae. I want this version of you. The naked version without all the superficial. We said we were going to go on this journey together to get to know the real version of us. Well, baby, you have a fresh new canvas to start with.”
“I don’t understand.” She sniffled, eyes puffy and nose red.
“What don’t you understand?”
“I don’t understand what I did to deserve you. I’m not a good person, Ezekiel. Why would God give me something good when all I’ve done is everything bad?” Her hands tugged on my shirt until I rested between her legs, her chin finding its favorite resting place on my chest.
“That’s the wonderful thing about God. His love isn’t conditional to our actions. He loves us unconditionally, in spite of all the wrong we’ve done. Neither of us are perfect people. Not a single perfect person walks this earth. Each day we receive the gift of new mercies. Rest because His love, His glory, is sufficient and extends to you. I deserve you just as much as you deserve me.” Thank you, Bishop, for the words of wisdom.
“I love you so much, Zeek.”
“I love you too, Sunnie Mae.” Morning breath be damned. I kissed my heart until I heard my favorite sound - her exhale of peace. “Now I can feed you. What do you have a taste for?”
“Can we eat Captain Crunch and watch cartoons?”
The way her eyes caressed my soul and caused my stomach to knot. She could have whatever she wanted.
If that’s how she wanted to spend the day emoting, her wish was my command.
Outside of mourning the losses thrown my way lately, tears have become an added feature to my daily moisturizing routine. I’ve heard the stories. I’ve seen the post. I’ve watched the movies. I’ve listened to the songs. However, nothing prepared me for the moment when God said it was my turn. My turn to experience the kindness and gentleness of a man outside of my daddy. One day I’m dealing with the detrimental repercussions of being the mean girl all my life to being loved on by the man of my dreams. Unable to stop my heart and soul from crying because it’s like I fell right into this man’s arms and he tattooed his love all over me.
An armor of empathy that shatters every myth and seed of doubt I once carried.
It didn’t make sense.
When I look in the mirror, I see a filthy, muddy being. A childish woman unable to put away childish things. Then here comes Ezekiel with his purity of heart, wanting nothing but to shower me in the gentleness of his dominance and new beginnings to the point one kiss, one touch of his hand, one wink of his eye makes me feel baptized afresh.
Clean.
New.
Whole.
God gives all of his children different spiritual gifts. That is true. Ezekiel’s gift is healing. His hands were blessed to have the healing touch. May was the worst month of my life. Thirty-one days of gruesome pain. Some self-inflicted and some not. Regardless of how my pain came about, every time I felt myself get lost in the darkness of my suffering, he found me and healed me. Whether it be me lying in his bed unwilling to eat or hiding out on his balcony. Whenever he did find me and wrap me in his arms, one touch of his hands caused my body, my heart, to heal. Once I felt God’s healing power through his hands, my mouth vomited my lies and truth, and once I was done exposing who I truly am, there was Ezekiel with his healing hands ready to heal the ugly out of me with his gentleness and kindness.
When he asked me to strip naked for him, immediately my heart dropped and sadness covered me. Why would he choose the moment when I was drowning to try and have sex with me? Any other day I’d happily throw this malnutrition coochie at him, but it was the wrong time. No man has ever asked to see me, the real version without makeup. Another moment of Zeek sweetly overwhelming me with his kindness and gentleness. Wanting to strip me of everything that made me Sunnie for the world and down to Sunnie Mae, his girl. My heart felt like it was on the cusp of bursting. Not a day has gone by in the years we’ve been friends that I’ve never felt at ease and safe with him. Safe to be naked with no makeup and showing all the crevices of my internal being. He loved my mood swings. Loved how one minute I wanted to live in his skin and the next I was a sourpatch kid.
He’s never asked anything of me, so when he asked to see me naked, I freely dropped all of my facades and exposed myself to him. Forever patient and gentle with me when I haven’t been to others. His washing of my hair and putting it in two pigtails that I refuse to take out was the cherry on top.
He loves me kindly.
He loves me gently.
He loves me for who I am.
“Do you like this place better than the last one?” He and I were apartment shopping. Regardless of him not wanting to address it, in a few months he was going to be a father and his current one-bedroom condo wasn’t going to work.
We were still sleeping on the air mattress, which I found to be cute and romantic. He hadn’t complained about it not being enough for his solid frame, but I knew it was coming.
