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“Be right back.”
“Hurry.” His voice followed me as I made my way to his bathroom. I peed, washed my hands, and cleaned up the stickiness from my thighs. Then I grabbed a towel in case he needed one.
When I got back to the bed, he grabbed my wrist and pulled me until I tumbled over him. I lay sprawled over his body, his hand wrapped around my back, and the other in my hair. “I like having you here.”
“I like being here,” I said as I placed a kiss on his chest.
When we were alone, warm in bed with nothing separating us, I could pretend that everything would be fine.
I listened as his breathing evened out, and his fingers went slack. Then I rolled off him but not away. I slung a leg over his and kept my hand over his heart, listening to the steady beat.
I wanted Sebastian and Ember to be mine. I just wasn’t sure if it was possible or if I was making a wish that could never come true.
I struggled to fall asleep, and when it felt like I’d only been sleeping minutes instead of hours, I was shaken awake.
It was Sebastian. He leaned over me, his voice insistent. “You should go back to your own bed. Ember will be up soon.”
I nodded, afraid of what I might say if I spoke. It wasn’t an unreasonable request, but combined with everything else, I was on edge. I gathered my clothes and got dressed before heading for the door.
Before my hand could turn the knob, Sebastian whispered, “Thank you for doing this.”
I turned to face him, straightening to my full height. “I won’t be your dirty secret forever.”
Before he could respond, I slipped out, my heart pounding in my chest. I’d never said anything like that to a guy before. But then again, I’d never felt so much for someone who was denying his desires.
In my room, I slid under the covers, knowing I wouldn’t be getting any more sleep tonight. The clock read four a.m.
I knew Sebastian wanted the same things I did, but he was sabotaging everything because of his need for perfection. Would he ever let himself go and be with me fully, no secrets and no pretense? Just unconditional love?
I tossed and turned the rest of the morning, finally giving up around five. I got up and pulled out worksheets to grade.
When I was done, I researched craft ideas. I liked to have one old thing that the students’ older siblings might have done so they could share it with them and one new thing to keep it exciting.
A soft knock sounded on the door at six-thirty. I opened the door, wondering if it was Sebastian wanting to apologize for last night.
Instead, it was Ember. “Do you want to come down for breakfast?”
“I need to shower quickly, and then I’ll be down.” We had school today, and I needed to stop feeling sorry for myself.
Ember headed downstairs, and I raced to get ready for the day. I had a job and responsibilities. I couldn’t lay in bed, lamenting the way Sebastian treated me.
In the shower, I rationalized his behavior as him just being an overprotective dad. I loved him for being one, so why was I getting hurt when he didn’t want Ember to find me in his bed? It was a perfectly reasonable request. It wasn’t his fault that I hadn’t gotten any sleep last night.
Or maybe it was a little his fault. Instead of enjoying our new relationship, it felt weird. As if he didn’t want one. He was just enjoying his time with me, stolen moments after Ember was asleep.
I shook off the melancholy, needing to be the happy teacher my students had come to expect. Downstairs, Sebastian was moving slower than usual. He was still in his sweats, pouring orange juice for Ember.
“I made eggs.” He gestured at the plate on the table.
“You didn’t have to do that,” I said as I sat and lifted the fork, my stomach already rumbling in anticipation.
He carried the carafe of coffee and a mug to the table, pouring it before setting it in front of me. The creamer was already on the table, so I poured a dash into it.
“Did you sleep well last night?” Sebastian asked, as if he didn’t already know.
I shrugged. “I had trouble falling asleep.”
He winced, but I didn’t add more.
