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And even after everything they’ve all shown me, I’m doing it again.
Everyone went back to the gym yesterday, and I’ve been ignoring the strings of texts from both the group chat and to just me. I know they all just want to check in… but I can’t bring myself to admit how I’m really doing.
I’m a fucking mess.
And I don’t want anyone to see me like this.
I keep my head down and finish the oil change on this car, and reluctantly take a break before the next one. I feel a bit of a headache coming on, but I need to keep going.
My eyes land on my bag on my bench, and I sit on my stool, just staring at it.
As much as I want to keep everything and everyone out… there’s one person it’s been really hard to do that with.
As I take my phone out of my bag and turn it on, my heart rate picks up its pace.
I’ve been ignoring Luca. Every attempt he’s made to see me, talk to me, help me… I’ve shut him out.
I don’t want to bring him down with me.
My phone turns on, and I watch as the missed texts and phone call notifications roll in.
Max, Rosa, Noah, Adão… everyone.
And Luca.
I tap his name to read his text to me from this morning.
Luca
I know you’re seeing the doctor today. Max told us.
You don’t want to talk, fine. You want to pull away and deal with this all yourself when you don’t have to? Fine. Be a dick. But just know that we’re still here. Come to the gym after the doctor. We’ll figure it out or celebrate… no matter what happens.
My eyes land on his last text, and my chest tightens.
Please.
I stare down at his texts, and emotion swells.
I miss him.
But I just can’t put him through this.
FORTY-FIVE
I look at my phone one last time before yanking open the gym door. Still nothing.
And as pissed as I am, I also get it. I’d be a fucking hypocrite to think I wouldn’t be acting out in my own way if I was facing what Ty was. I understand how difficult this is for him, to possibly lose everything he’s worked so hard for, and everything that means so much to him.
I guess I just didn’t think I was also going to be tossed away with it.
I thought maybe we were more than that.
As I enter the gym, I can’t help but glance around, even though I know he’s not here. But a part of me expects and hopes to see him running the track, warming up for a workout.
But it’s quiet, and the only person I see is Max.
“Hey, Luca.” He closes the glove locker. “You’re here early.”
