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As I shove my hair out of my face, I spot her on a beach chair a few feet away from me. She’s alone, none of our friends in sight. In fact, the only other people at this beach are a few families and some older couples sitting on beach chairs scattered on the sand. Most people visit the bigger beach, since that’s where the crowds, the space, and the activities are, so Lori’s choice to be here is a commentary on her need to be alone. Her knees are pulled up to her chest, her head resting on them.
As I’m about to step off the path and into the sand, a voice calls my name. I freeze, my heart picking up speed. I’d know his voice anywhere.
Lori must hear it too, because her head pops up, and her eyes, red-rimmed and swollen, connect with mine. She perks up a bit and moves her beach bag from the seat beside her onto the ground, silently inviting me to join her. Even from here the brilliance of her blue eyes is a noticeably brighter shade than normal because of the tears.
“Faye,” he repeats, closer now. I turn to face him, practically holding my breath.
He looks good—really good—and my heart knows it too, picking up into overdrive. The wind tousles his hair, and my fingers itch to tug the strands. His tank top shows off his toned arms and my body wishes they were wrapped around me. His full lips press together in a frown, and I wish they were pressed against mine.
“Hey,” I greet when he stops in front of me, though it sounds like a question. After last night, I didn’t think he would be the one coming to me. I was all prepared to seek him out, to tell him everything on my mind, even if it’s embarrassing, even if he doesn’t love me back, and try to make it work. But he’s standing in front of me, everything I’ve ever wanted, everything I feared I lost, his eyes devouring me like all those words thrown between us last night didn’t happen.
“Can we talk? It’s important,” he asks.
I know it’s important. It’s about everything hanging over us. About our past and our present and our future together, or at least the possibility of one. I want to talk to him before he changes his mind and decides it’s not worth even a conversion with me, before he decides he wants nothing to do with me at all. I want to sort everything out now, to figure out if and how we can move forward,together. It’s on the tip of my tongue,Yes,of course, but the words dry up in my mouth.
“Faye?” he prompts, and I hesitate. My gaze moves back to Lori, and she visibly deflates, like she knows I’m going to change direction and leave with Kellan. She looks away and wraps her arms back around her legs, resting her head on her knees as she watches the tide smash onto the shore.
“I’m sorry, Kell. I can’t right now.”
He blinks. “What? Are you serious?”
This might mess everything up, but Dylan’s right. Lori’s obviously going through some things, and I made everything worse by taking out my own insecurities on her. She wasn’t mad I was going to her. In fact, she seemedhopeful, and I will not fuck that up, not for anyone, not even for myself. Maybe I am selfish and self-absorbed, and even though I want nothing more than to fix this with Kellan rightnow, my eye is on the prize, and that prize is Lori.
“I’m sorry,” I tell Kellan, backing away. “I’ll find you after, okay? I promise.”
Before he says something that I can’t unhear or convinces me to stay, I turn from him to head to Lori, but pause. Somehow, Adam’s intercepted me, walking up to Lori from the opposite direction. Lori’s eyes widen a fraction when she notices me going to her over leaving with Kellan, but then Adam calls out to her, and she stands and turns.
Do I stay and let her have alone time with Adam? Does she want me to wait? Or leave to give her privacy? I’m unsure what to do until Lori looks over her shoulder at me, sending me anSOSlook, and resolve fills me. I plant the oversized flip-flops on the sand and cross the remaining space to my best friend and brother.
TWENTY
Day Five of Cuba
Lori
Faye was going to come to me. I saw it in the look on her face, in the determined straightness of her spine. But then Kellan called out to her, and I realize she’ll choose him over me.
I spent the night with Dylan, and while he cheered me up in his own way, he couldn’t tell me what I should do or how to fix things with Dean and Adam. It doesn’t help that this morning Mom texted me my dailydon’t forget about med schoolreminder in the form of links to practice questions.
I wanted to scream.
Instead, I sent her a thumbs-up emoji and contemplated Dean’s words from last night. Dean would encourage me to tell my mom I’m not going to med school. I wanted to; I almost did, too, but I couldn’t disappoint another person. Dean, Faye, and Adam are enough.
Faye would know what to do, how to explain to Dean that the kiss I shared with him was nothing like the kiss with Adam.
She’d make him believe our kiss meant something, that I felt it to my very toes. I needed to talk to Faye, and she was coming here, right until Kellan intercepted, and my hope deflated, knowing he’s more important to her.
I rest my head on my knees and watch the ocean without really seeing it. I haven’t seen anyone other than Dylan since this morning, and I’m hoping to keep it that way.
“Lori!”
My entire body tenses at the sound of Adam’s voice. I didn’t think I’d have to see him so soon, or deal with his accusing tone.
I look back at Faye. She’s facing me, and Kellan’s standing behind her with a hurt expression. She’s leaving him to come to me?
Adam calls my name again, and I jump off the chair to meet him. He’s closer now, close enough that I can see the hard set of his jaw, the intensity in his hazel eyes.
I don’t want to face him alone, not after last night. I meet Faye’s eyes over my shoulder, and she gets the hint because she charges toward us.
