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Shetook off her sweatshirt and got to work.
Comingout about her andKrishwas easier than she thought.Shephoned her closest friends to tell them first.Everyonewas shocked but supportive, offering to organise girly nights and inviting her to parties.Ankita,Krish’ssister, made dinner plans withJess, then had to cancel them due to the early arrival of her baby.Whenshe couldn’t put it off any longer,Jesschanged her relationship status onFacebookto single.Shehad an instant deluge of messages, but then they died down quickly.Turnsout, people didn’t really care.Whoknew?
Shedidn’t tell anyone aboutGabriel.Hewas her secret.
Theschool yearstarted much the same as any other school year: with a lot of kids who had been free range all summer and now needed to relearn the rules of the classroom.Withina week, one little girl had vomited onJess’sshoes, two little boys stuck building bricks up their noses, and one mother scheduled a meeting withJessto discuss her plan for accelerating her five-year-old’s reading level.
Itkept her busy, andJessenjoyed it.Nota day went by that her kids didn’t make her laugh and fill her with hope for the future.Whenit was her birthday, they made her a card and signed it, each one of their messy stick-figure signatures feeling like an accomplishment toJess.
Itwas her nights that tortured her.
Atnight, she had time to think.Atnight, she remembered what it felt like to make love withGabriel, the touch of his hand, the fit of his body against hers, the unbelievable orgasms that started deep within and radiated out.Strangely, she didn’t think about sex withKrishat all.Ithadn’t been bad between them, but it hadn’t been explosive either.Thethings she’d done withGabrielwere the ones that plagued her.
Eventually, the memory of being with him would pass.Inthe meantime, she bought her first vibrator.
Thedelivery driver left the package with a neighbour, the little old lady in number ten.Jessreceived the notification when she was at school and all day, she worried that her neighbour would know what was in the box, even though the website promised that there was nothing on the outside that indicated what was inside.WhenJessreturned home, she rushed straightto number ten to collect her illicit delivery, sure that her bright red face revealed the story that the unmarked packaging did not.
Backin her flat, she unwrapped the toy: a big pink number with a rabbit and three vibration settings.Shecharged it up straight away and then counted the hours until bedtime.
Itdid not disappoint.Notthe same as being withGabrielin the flesh—the orgasms were too fast and very surface, far from the full body experience she’d enjoyed with him.Butthey were enough to pleasure her and give her imagination plenty of ammunition.
Butshe really missedGabriel.
Theideafor the skydive came to her while she was looking throughElodie’sFacebookpage.Yes,Jesshad succumbed.Infact, she’d friendedElodiewhile traveling on theEurostar.
Thetrigger that sparked the idea was a picture ofGabriel.He’dmentioned that he was running a 10k for charity, and there he was, wearing his running blade and looking just as hot asJessremembered him.Thephoto wasn’t posed.Infact,Jessdoubted thatGabrieleven knew his sister had taken it.Hewas shirtless—Jessspent quite some time zooming in on his chest and studying the line of hair that disappeared behind the elastic of his shorts—but he was looking away, his customary frown pulling down the corners of his lips.Jessached to take him in her arms and make him smile again.
Recently,Jesslistened to a podcast about choosing a power word.She’dbeen consuming a lot of podcasts since she returned, mostly to do with self-improvement—although she also loved theBBCComedyshows.Anyway, this podcast said that she should choose a power word to help her set herintentions on how she wanted to live for the next twelve months, and the wordJesschose waschallenge.Shewanted to push herself out of her comfort zone and seeing the picture ofGabrielmade her want to raise money for charity.
Runninga marathon would be a definite activity on her list, but what else could she do?Sheremembered that one of her work colleagues had skydived the previous spring, raving about it afterwards.Atthe time,Jessnever would have considered something like that, but now she didn’t feel like thatJessanymore.Nowshe wanted to live large, worry less.
Andpart of her hoped she could recapture some of that feeling she’d had in the helicopter withGabriel, when she’d touched a cloud and experienced that transcendent sense of connection.
Itdidn’t take long to set up.Allshe had to do was choose a company with which to entrust her life, book the dive, find the charity she wanted to help, and create a fundraising page.Shechose a date during half-term inOctoberfor the jump.Withinan hour, it was done and dusted.Nobacking out now.
Shesplashed it across her socials and people started donating right away.Herdad started it off with £50.Withina week, she’d made her target, so she upped it again.
Nextstep: she just had to wait eight weeks and try not to think about the fact that she wasjumping out of a fucking plane.
21
‘Bonjour!’GabrielheardElodiecall as she entered his apartment.Uninvited.Again.
‘Goaway!’ he replied.Hisstump spasmed, and he bit his tongue, refusing to giveElodiethe satisfaction of hearing him cry out.
Hisphantom limb pains had returned with a vengeance.Every30 seconds or so, lightning flared underneath his skin.Inthe past when they bothered him, they usually lasted for five or six hours, max, eventually fading by themselves.Thisround had been going strong for three days already.Andhe hadn’t slept since they began.
Zombieshad more vitality than he did right now.Andit didn’t help thatElodiekept popping in to check on him.
Speakingof the devil, she stood in his doorway now, arms crossed and glaring at him. ‘Itake it they’re still going.’
Gabrielwinced as another pain flashed through his stump.
‘It’snever gone on this long before.Whydo you think it’s happening now?’Shetilted her head at him with her eyebrows raised like she already knew the answer.Typicalteacher move.
Heknew the answer, too, but didn’t want to acknowledge it.Anyamateur psychologist could figure out the problem: hisbrain was trying to communicate with a part of him that was no longer there.
Jess.
