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‘Youneed help,Gabriel.HelpthatI’mnot qualified to give you.’
Hereached for her and she pulled back her hand.Theeasy camaraderie they’d shared at the chateau had disintegrated.Hedidn’t have her permission to touch her anymore. ‘Ireally messed up, didn’tI?’
‘Well, yes.ButlikeIsaid,I’mnot ready either.’Shesmiled sadly.
Unsurewhat else to do with them, he shoved his hands in his jean pockets. ‘Sothis is goodbye?’
‘Yes,Ithink so.’
Insidehe panicked that their reunion was playing out like this.Hiswhole being cried out for her, but she was pushing him away.Ifshe didn’t want him, then she didn’t want him.Maybehe was just too big of a mess for a relationship.That’swhy he’d avoided them for eight years, after all.Hecouldn’t exactly disagree with her.Buthe couldn’t let her go without touching her one more time.
‘CanIsay goodbye to you properly?’
Jessbit her lip, and her pupils dilated with want.Atleast he knew she still felt the attraction between them. ‘Ithinkthat would be acceptable.’Shestepped towards him and slid her hands behind his neck.Electricityfollowed the trail of her fingers.Gabrielgripped her waist, holding her tight.
Theireyes locked, and he saw a whole world of regret in their blue depths.Hewondered what she saw in his.Ina flash their lips came together, their tongues instantly tangling, seeking out the other.Heatrushed through him, and his heart cried out like it had all the other times he’d kissed her.Onlynow, he was more receptive to the message.Itsaid:this one is special.
Hewanted their kiss to go on forever.Theidea of her walking away from him made his chest hurt like he’d been punched.
Toosoon, the last boarding call for her train sounded over the loudspeaker, and she broke contact. ‘Ihave to go.’
Gabrielpressed his forehead against hers. ‘Iknow,’ he whispered.
‘Lookme up if you ever visitLondon,’ she said as she stepped away.Henoticed the skin of her fingers turning white where she clasped the suitcase handle tightly and understood that this wasn’t easy for her either.
‘Bye,Gabriel.’
‘Aurevoir,Jess.’
Andwith that, she scanned her ticket and walked through the barriers.Eachstep she took away from him felt like a string being pulled tauter and tauter, like a piece of him was leaving.
Heheard a sniffle to his left. ‘Goafter her,espèce d’idiot!’ cried the moustachioed ticket man, using his key card to open the gate. ‘Gotell her that you love her!’
Love?Wasthat what this was?Ifyes, no wonder he’d avoided it all his life.Hethought he’d already run the gamut of heartache and regret, but this sorrow in his chest was a completely new type of pain.WithFatima’sdeath, the grief had been scissor-sharp.Ashe watchedJesswalk away, this feeling was more like a balloon inflating beneath his ribs, stealing all his air.
Butshe was right.Hefucked up.Hewasfucked up.Hecouldn’t be the man she needed, his performance last night proved that.They’donly been together for less than a week and he had already failed.
Perhapsthe best way to prove his love was to let her go.
20
Jesspushed openthe door of her flat and took a deep breath before crossing the threshold.
Homesweet home, she thought as she surveyed the living room/kitchen area.TheJuliettebalcony offered views across the rooftops ofLondon, along with a flat grey sky.Itmirrored her mood.
Shemassaged her puffy eyes.They’dhad a workout on the train journey, rubbed raw from the dozens of tissues she’d used to wipe her tears.
Walkingaway fromGabrielwas the hardest thing she’d ever done.Hisface when she said it was just a fling made her want to immediately retract it and tell him that she did love him.
Butwhat would be the point?Eventhough it broke her heart, she knew she’d made the right choice.Hehad so many issues to sort out, and she would have happily stood by his side while he worked on them, but he’d made it pretty clear from his actions that he wasn’t ready for that.Themoment things got tough, he’d locked her out.
Truly, she wanted him to get better and find happiness, even if it wasn’t with her.Thethought made her chest tighten painfully and her shoulders droop.
‘Welcometo your new home,’ she said to the witchy cookie jar as she took it out of her bag and set it on the shelf with her other cookie jars.Itsclosest neighbour was a pink elephant with a blue hat.Shehad a feeling they’d get on just fine.
So…what should she do next?Howdid single people normally occupy their time?She’dhad a significant other for years.Entertainmentat the touch of a button.IfKrishand she were still together, they might have gone for a run, or she might have gone up to his flat, or cooked them dinner.Butthey weren’t together.Hertime was 100% hers, and she didn’t know what to do with it.
Hereyes fell on theCornishpainting thatKrishbought for her on their first holiday together.Thatcould go.Acasual sweep of the room with her eyes identified at least ten more things that she’d happily part with.Eventhough she felt exhausted from the travel and lack of sleep, the desire to de-Krishher flat overcame her, filling her with much-needed adrenaline.
