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‘—but can you tell me honestly if you have other friends?’
I splutter for a moment. ‘I have you.’
‘Sure. We live together.’
‘But we were friends before we lived together,’ I point out. She waits. ‘And there’s Max.’
‘You shared a womb with him twenty-six years ago. I don’t know if he counts either.’
‘Yeah, well, let me tell you, you’re a far better co-tenant. He took almost all the food and I ended up coming out looking like a scraggy little weasel.’
‘I’m very sorry to hear that. Your wombmate and roommate aside… If we ever have a friend break-up, where would that leave you?’
From someone else this might be offensive, but I know it’s coming from a place of care. Josie doesn’t fully understand that having an easy life with a small circle of friends works for me. Though by “circle”, I do mean “line”, because she’s the only other person in it. ‘Why are you making contingency plans for the breakdown of our friendship? Are you trying to hint at something?’
‘I’m a Virgo moon, I make contingency plans foreverything.’ She runs a hand along the textured pattern of a cushion before playingwith the tassels at the corners. ‘What happens when I’m gone?’
‘God, we have at least a few more decades before we need to start worrying about that.’ What she’s referring to, of course, is not her departure from this mortal coil, but the period she’ll be away from London next year while she tours with her exhibition. ‘Josie, I’ll be fine. You know I will.’
I’m not lonely.I’m happy with the way I live my life.
Yet, every so often my thoughts drift of their own accord and I wonder what might happen if I stopped staying still, if I let myself make leaps like Josie does, like my brother does. But then I remember how much there is to lose, and the thoughts weave themselves into the knot tightening in my stomach.
‘Look, you were there for me in first year when I needed it, now I’m helping you.’ She tucks her hair behind her ears and straightens her posture. ‘We’re in this incredible city, and it’s time for you to get out there. You’ve spent too many years in the dark. Now’s your time to learn to glow again.’
‘Was that a quote from a Disney Channel Original Movie?’
She ignores me. ‘I’m just saying, I am one of the lucky few to know the real you.’ I find myself grimacing at her sincerity as she goes on, ‘You should do it. Really make an effort to put yourself out there, meet new people. It doesn’t have to be aman.Just a friend. I’m so busy at the moment and I don’t want you to be by yourself, and—wait.’ Her expression turns gleeful and I dread learning what she’s about to say. ‘You owe me. For the flat. You promised me when you moved in that in return for charging you what I can only assume is London’s lowest rent, you would do something of my choosing. Well, this is it. This is what I’m choosing.’
Shit. I’d forgotten I’d said that. I drag myself up from the floor to sit on the sofa, pulling my knees up and tugging my shirt over them. ‘That’s low, Joey.’
‘Don’t call me Joey.’
‘I’ll call you Joey if you blackmail me.’
‘Is the blackmail working?’ Her green eyes glitter in mischief. Josie may be tiny, but everything about her is mighty. It’s like every personality trait is concentrated into this barely-five-foot package.
‘Of course it’s working, that’s why I’m annoyed.’ If I agree, she might get off my back, so I clear my throat and tell her what she wants to hear. ‘I’ll do my best to put myself out there.’
She nods, though I’m not sure she believes me. Her phone buzzes, a reminder of the time, and she says, ‘I need to go to bed. But I’m glad you left the house for the comedy show at least, even if it was distinctly lacking in comedy.’
‘To be fair, the woman who went before my date was hilarious.’
Josie stands, brushing nonexistent crumbs from her pyjamas. ‘Maybe you should’ve gone out with her instead.’
‘I bet she wouldn’t have had clammy hands.’
She sweeps over to her bedroom, Rudy devotedly trailing behind. Sometimes I think back to both of us huddled together in her uni room, and I realise I can’t imagine her in such a small space now; no one else around to see her shine.
But I’m not Josie. I don’t take risks, and I certainly don’t intend to let go of the careful control I have over my life any time soon.
2
latte art can be provocative, I guess?
A V A
Every day I ampushed closer to the brink by our customers.
