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Bodhi grabs my duffle and moves it to the floor.
“Do you want me to go grab him?” he asks, and I nod.
He says okay, but before he leaves, he steps around my legs where they hang over the edge of the bed, and leans forward, caging me in with his hands on either side of my head.
I swallow loudly, looking up into his eyes, suddenly not so tired, and when his lips find mine, that familiar zap of electricity sparks between us.
It’s over all too quickly as he places a small kiss on my chin and stands, pulling me upright before he goes to find my best friend.
I jump at the sound of a light knock on the door.
I’m lying on the bed where Bodhi left me, only I don’t remember falling asleep. I must have only just dozed off for a minute.
Sander stands in the doorway, poker face in place.
“Sorry, Bodhi said you wanted to see me, but I can come back when you aren’t sleeping,” he says and motions to leave.
“Wait, no,” I call after him and sit up, rubbing my tired eyes. The bruise on my right brow bone still smarts, so I take care not to be too rough.
He steps back inside, staying close to the door, like he’s preparing for a fast getaway if necessary.
What have I done?
This is not the guy I grew up with. The one who never understood what boundaries were and always pushed right insight my personal bubble. He was always the first to pull me to his side, keeping me close and playing my protector. But this wedge between us feels like my fault.
Could I have been more kind the other day? Of course. But I wasn’t in a great headspace, and I know that doesn’t excuse anything, but also, that kiss was not what I expected from Sander, and I just lost it.
I know deep down that we both played a part in getting to where we are right now, but had I listened to Ma and just told him how I felt, none of this would have happened.
He’s so closed off. Why wouldn’t he be? Did I really assume that I could ignore his feelings and then shoot him down and he would continue to hold that space in his life open for me?
I think on some level I truly did.
San has always been there for me through everything. The thought of losing him hurts my heart, and the short distance between us feels like miles.
“San,” his whispered name cracks in my throat, but that’s all it takes to thaw his neutral expression.
He sags forward and drops down onto the bed beside me.
“Hey,” he sooths, drawing me into his familiar embrace. The warms smell of sandalwood and sunscreen filling my chest as I breathe him in.
He reminds me of summer and simpler times.
“I’m sorry I yelled at you,” I sniffle, tears staining the front of his dark blue shirt.
“You hardly yelled at me, K,” he says, and I can hear the smile in his words.
“I did, though. I was so rude about it. I didn’t mean to hurt you,” I say.
He smooths my hair down, squeezing a little tighter before pulling back and looking me in the eye.
“I know you didn’t. I was out of line, I know that.”
“But—”
“Seriously, K, don’t worry about it,” he smiles like he’s over it all, but I’m not buying it.
I narrow my eyes at him, and he laughs.
