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He holds his hand out, and I stare at it for a few seconds, as my socially awkward ass makes the situation even worse, before my brain finally catches up. “Oh, yeah… I’m Emmaleigh. Erm… so, I-I came over about the drinks. We can’t accept them,” I say, my voice finding a little more confidence. He looks down and I realise I’ve been shaking his hand the whole time, and haven’t let go.
Okay, I need the ground to open up and swallow me whole now. What the fuck is wrong with me? So what if the guy is hot, that doesn’t give me a free pass to act like an idiot!
“I think it’s too late for that,” he says, gesturing to my friends with his head as I finally let go of his hand. I look over my shoulder to see my friends downing the shots without me. Bitches!
“Fuck. At least let me pay for them then,” I mutter.
“No, honestly it’s fine. I wanted to get your attention, and it worked. So in my eyes, it was worth every penny.” His voice is silky smooth, and I know I should feel something, but I don’t.
He’s definitely hitting on me, and I expect my heart to race, and my palms to get sweaty as I think about it, but they don’t. I mean, I’m more nervous about owing him money since my asshole friends drank the drinks he sent over.
“Yeah, about that. So, I’m kinda, sorta seeing someone,” I explain. Well, I think explain is a bit too strong a word, my explanation is about as clear as fucking mud. But then again, the situation isn’t exactly clear cut. All I know is that whenever I even think about that unread message I have of Lee’s, I get butterflies in my stomach, and my heart races. I look forward to just texting him, let alone how he makes me feel when I see him in person. I don’t feel that with Seb, no matter how hot he is. And I know Lee doesn’t want a relationship with me, but I’m not going to settle with someone else.
“What do you mean by kinda?”
“Well, we’re not really anything official at the moment, but I want it to be. So, this just doesn’t feel right. I’m sorry. I will pay you back, or buy you some more drinks. Whatever you’d like?”
Although his face falls a little at my rejection, he manages a small smile as he maintains eye contact with me. “That’s okay. You don’t owe me anything. But can I just say one thing?” he asks, and I nod for him to continue. “A beautiful girl like you, who is kind too, deserves a guy who will shout about you from the rooftops. You deserve someone who wants you to be their girlfriend and who will tell everyone he can about it. You’re so sexy, and what makes you so gorgeous is the fact you have no idea how appealing you really are.”
I have to look away, my cheeks flaring red as I let his words consume me. Before Lee, I wouldn’t have believed a word this guy said, but he’s looking at me the way Lee does, with hunger in his eyes. The only difference is, this guy wants the whole world to know. He’s willing to shout about me from the rooftops, and of course I think I deserve someone who will do this. I deserve to be someone’s girlfriend. But the problem is, even with this gorgeous alternative in front of me, it doesn’t matter because the heart wants what the heart wants, and my heart wants Lee.
“Thank you for saying that. You deserve someone who doesn’t even hesitate to say yes to a drink with you. You seem like a nice guy, and I’m sure there’s a girl way nicer than me out there for you. It was lovely to meet you, and thank you for the drinks.”
I start to walk away, but he calls my name, getting my attention again. I turn to look over my shoulder as he continues. “He’s a lucky guy,” he says, a hint of sadness clear in his tone. That’s when it hits me; this guy really did want to date me. He didn’t just want to have a few drinks and fool around at my place. He really was interested in a relationship with me. I know he was hinting at that, but I didn’t think he was serious until I was walking away.
I just turned down a potentially great, serious relationship with a hot guy who thinks I’m beautiful… I must be fucking crazy. Well, not crazy, I’m just falling in love with someone I shouldn’t be. Someone who can’t offer me the things this guy could have. But, when it comes down to it, none of that matters to me. All I care about is that Lee makes my heart race and Seb doesn't.
I drop down into my seat, and without hesitation, I down the two remaining shots that are on the table. My initial shot is one of the glasses I’d identified early on as one I didn’t want to try. So, I drank that first, and followed it up straight away with the second shot. As predicted, the first was disgusting, and a weird milky flavour slid down my throat, making me feel a little ill. Thankfully, the second shot was tequila, and that burnt away all taste buds in my throat, leaving a comfortable burn in my stomach.
“So, it didn’t go well?” Gem asks, her voice sounding a little more pleased than it should be.
“Actually, it went well. He said all the right things. He thinks I’m beautiful and said I look gorgeous in this dress. He’s happy for us to keep the drinks—which is good, given you’d started drinking them—but I did offer to pay for them. He was super nice, but I made it clear I’m not interested.”
Everyone’s mouths drop open, and even Gem looks shocked. “What the hell did you do that for?” Bessy snaps, her eyes flitting from me and back over to Seb, who has now gone to sit with a group of male friends in the opposite corner of the bar.
“I’m not interested in him. Besides, I like what I have with Lee,” I reply.
“Are you kidding?” Gem snaps. “You know you don’t actually have a relationship with this Lee guy, right? He is fucking you, taking what he wants, and has shown no interest in wanting anything more. Why the hell would you turn down a real relationship in favour of the one you’re clearly having in your fucking head?”
“Woah, that’s a bit harsh, Gem,” Kym shouts, but Gemima just throws her hair over her shoulder, that blank mask back on her face, and it’s clear she meant every word she just said.
I nip at the skin on my hands, and bite the flesh on the inside of my lip, trying to produce as much pain as possible so my eyes don’t fill with the tears that are threatening to make an appearance. Yes, Gem’s words were fucking hurtful and harsh, but did she say anything that’s untrue? Maybe I really am an idiot, living in my own head. I just turned down a perfectly nice guy, who could have given me everything I’ve been looking for.
But what if he doesn’t make me laugh the way Lee does? What if he doesn’t make me kneel before him as he calls me his good girl? What if he doesn’t pull me into his arms and stroke my hair until I fall asleep after a long, hard shift? The guy may be able to offer me a relationship, but that doesn’t mean we would ever get to that stage.
Being with Lee has taught me that I deserve the best, and even though I could recognise that Seb was hot, and that he seemed nice, I also knew my body didn’t react to him in any way at all. I was nervous talking to him, but that’s because I’ve never had to let someone down before. But my heart didn’t race, I didn’t get sweaty palms, and I didn’t get the butterflies in my tummy that I would expect if I’m attracted to someone.
Taking a deep breath, I raise my eyes so I can meet Gem’s steely gaze. “I don’t know how to explain it to someone who isn’t part of it, but I know I have something with Lee… even if he doesn’t see it yet. You can call me delusional or crazy. I don’t care. Yes, Seb over there is crazy hot, but that doesn’t mean I’m attracted to him, or that I should give him what he wants. Even if Lee wasn’t in the picture, I would have turned Seb down because I didn’t get any kind of feeling towards him.” My voice gets louder as I continue to stand up for myself. I can see Kym sitting opposite, the smile on her face growing as she watches me stick up for myself with Gem.
“Well, that settles that. Shall I grab us some more drinks?” Kym asks, clearly trying to move the conversation along, and I nod my head a little as I smile at her, making my gratitude known.
“Yes, more shots,” Bessy yells, a lot louder than was necessary, but I think the other shots, combined with whatever she and Gem were drinking before they got here, have started to have an effect on her.
Kym stands to head to the bar. I can already tell by the way my cheeks are flushing, and the way I just stood up for myself, the alcohol is having an effect on me, making me a little looser.
Bessy places her hand on top of mine, grabbing my attention, and as I turn to meet her gaze, she gives me a small smile. “Don’t take this the wrong way, because I don’t mean it how it’s going to sound. But, isn’t it a bit of a waste of time holding out for a guy who clearly doesn’t care enough about you to want to date you. I mean, I get if he’s afraid of relationships, but you deserve better than that, Em. You deserve someone who isn’t afraid to call you theirs.”
Despite slurring her words a little as she talks, I can hear the sincerity in Bessy’s words, and honestly, it makes my heart ache. I think deep down, I’ve always known what she’s saying is the truth, but I don’t want to hear them. I came out tonight to get away from all that, not to dive headfirst into it further.
