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I was going to get my life back.
Stepping outside of Lee’s apartment almost took more courage than I possessed, but I told myself I wasn’t going to let my fears stop me anymore. Lee had shown me that my fears didn’t need to consume my life. He showed me that he’d be there to take them away.
Lunch was a sandwich from one of my favorite little delis in the city that just happened to be close to Lee’s new office. Even though I sat staring at the door for so long I was surprised I didn’t get kicked out, I was able to get up and get moving again after I ate. To do the thing I had planned.
I was going to see him.
I was going to go into Lee’s office and see him.
And see Jen.
Being with Lee made me realize just how much I missed my best friend. Since the day we’d met in college, Jen and I had been able to tell each other anything, and for the first time since I’d let my obsession with Rhys Craigson consume my life, I finally had something worthy of telling her.
Unfortunately, when I got across the street from his office, my plan came to a screeching halt.
Because there was my friend.
My very, very pregnant friend.
Being ushered out of the building by her new husband, their hands cradling her belly and so much fear and anticipation dripping from them that I could feel it from where I stood. They paused, and Vinny helped her breathe through what I could only assume was a contraction, rubbing her back and kissing her forehead and holding her hands.
Tears gathered in my eyes, and I fought to keep them from spilling down my cheeks. The last time I’d talked to Jen, really talked to her, she’d been pining over the one who got away. And here she was, married and about to give birth to his baby.
I’d been beating myself up for the past year, thinking I’d taken away something special because of what had been done to me. And here she was, living her life like I wasn’t even here.
Maybe it would be better if I wasn’t even here.
Pressing my back to the building behind me, I closed my eyes and took long, slow breaths. I pinched myself, proving by the pain that I was still very much alive. Ragged breaths tore through my chest. I bent at the waist, trying to calm my manic thoughts, only to bash my head into someone instead.
“Are you okay?” the older man asked. Merely the thought of him reaching toward me was enough to have me shying away.
“Fine.” I wrapped my arms around myself, giving him the fakest smile in the world because it was the only thing I could conjure and I needed him to leave. “Sorry about that.”
He eyed me as if he didn’t believe me, then must have decided he didn’t care. He gave me a faint smile before turning to walk away.
Jen and Vinny were no longer on the sidewalk outside Lee’s office. I rushed across the street, nearly tripping over the curb in my haste. I peered in through the front windows on my way to the door, hoping for a glimpse of Lee.
He was there. Right in the middle of the lobby. And he wasn’t alone.
Something about the woman standing next to him was familiar, but I couldn’t place her. I couldn’t do anything but stare. She looked like she belonged in an adult magazine, only she was wearing far too many clothes.
Tight black skirt with a slit up the back, baring long, gorgeous legs.
Furry black sweater that hung off one shoulder, baring even more of her flawless skin.
Her short black bob was perfection, not a single strand out of place, and the nails on the hand that was squeezing Lee’s arm were the brightest, most decadent red.
It wasn’t until she turned her head and I saw her profile that I realized who she was: that woman I’d seen at the strip club. The one who had me off-kilter. The one who made my anxiety flare. The one who’d talked with Leni, the two of them watching me like they could possibly know who I was.
They couldn’t, though.
Not if I didn’t exist.
Fear struck through me at the thought. The same thought I’d had over and over again. That had led me to trying to kill myself more than once. I turned and ran as fast as my legs would take me. I thought of how happy I’d been the past few days. Remembered the dreams I’d had for myself just that very morning.
I reminded myself that Lee loved me.
But it didn’t matter. Because those thoughts couldn’t make it through the fears that had suddenly taken over my mind.
