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‘What difference does it make what Iain said?’
‘He’s like an outcast. I don’t know, he had me in for kippers, then literally brick wall, like he’s scared?’ He pushes his hair away from his eyes. Gives them a sneaky wipe.
Fuck, he’s crying.
‘Come on, let’s keep walking.’ I take his arm.
He leans into me. Kicks at the tarmac as he goes.
‘I need to think how to approach him, you know? I’m such a fuck up, you’ve no idea, it’s like everything I touch…?’ he starts, his voice shaky. Then he stops and turns to face me. ‘Maybe youcould talk to him. Tell him about finding Ken? He sounds at least as grouchy as Don, but he let you in, isn’t it?’
I take a breath. ‘What am I going to tell him? You’re gonna nurse him when he’s dying?’
He steps away from me. ‘It’s not about dying, is it?’ he hisses.
‘No, you’re right.’ I feel bad now. ‘What do you reckon it’s about?’
He starts walking again. Still kicking at the tarmac. ‘I could have a little sibling out there, have you thought about that?’
‘Fuck’s sake, Gethin, it was all malicious rumours a minute ago.’ Hopeless sinking at the thought of him chasing some unknown baby relative.
‘There could be a child. You’d have more chance of getting through to him, isn’t it?’
‘Because I’m a young lass, right?’ I snap at him.
‘Do not believe you’re falling for the gossip.’ He turns to face me. Walks backwards into a puddle. Reaches his hands out to steady himself.
Think of how Don looked at me, eyes pausing on my tits. Nothing unusual, girl. Not worth pushing it. ‘I’m just not up for talking to him, that’s all,’ I say quietly.
Gethin strides on ahead, cursing to himself.
I carry on walking. Out of nowhere I get this picture of knocking on Ken’s window that first time. Peering through the nets, except this time I find, maybe I’m told by his neighbour, that he’d died before I got there. What would that have felt like?
We turn the corner, and the sign points us off the road for Smoo cave. There’s a car park and the low whitewashed building of a hotel. Then a deep inlet in the coastline with a fenced pathway running down to a bridge and along the other side. Gethin heads down the path without waiting for me. The wind blows his hair, and he pushes it back as he walks. His movements right jerky and quick.
The bridge crosses a fast-running brook that pours into a hole in the cliff-side. All I can hear is the water, but Gethin doesn’t even pause to look. Charges up the path on the other side. Disappearing as it curves down.
I follow as fast as I can. Reach the turn and see him at the mouth of the massive cave at the bottom of the cliff.
By the time I get there he’s vanished again. There’s a shaft of light coming through a gap in the roof of the cathedral-sized chamber. The craggy rock is Day-Glo green with moss where the light reaches. Air thick with moisture and the roar of falling water I can’t see. No sign of Gethin either.
‘Whoa Jez! Up here!’ The cry echoes over the sound of the water. I make my way along a wooden walkway over the river to another chamber. Cling to the creaky rail to avoid slipping on the slimy boards. And there it is, the massive roaring waterfall pounding into a deep pool at our feet. Gethin grips the rail at the side. Grins when he sees me.
‘Awesome!’ he shouts. I nod.
We stand for a few minutes in the presence of the water. Powering hard into the dark pool. Wiping all thought.
‘How about a spliff?’ I suggest as we return to the main chamber. Could be a good move to chill him now, right?
Gethin nods and wanders out. Finds an old wooden platform, like an abandoned jetty, on the grassy bit at the side. I sit next to him. Watch the river, just a shallow trickle here. The vegetation at our feet is bright and lush. Everything smells sharp and freshly watered.
Gethin lights the spliff and takes a few hefty tokes before passing it to me. ‘Aw, that’s better. What a place, eh?’
‘It’s good to be out exploring again, right?’
‘Totally!’ He smiles at me. ‘I’m sorry, I was out of order back there, but I properly want you to know I am so glad I jumped on that bike.’
‘Despite being illegal and nearly ramming you into a deer?’
