AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Everything seems to be about money, doesn’t it?”
“And it shouldn’t be.” Chi was sure about that, but her whole life had been about money. About gaining wealth and position. About being looked up to, and what she didn’t realize was that being looked up to because she was rich wasn’t really something to attain. But being looked up to because she had character was.
She had been chasing after the wrong thing all this time.
“Right. You really shouldn’t. Although, as a parent, I want to do the best for my son. I want to give him everything, and I feel like I already failed him because I’m not with his dad. I mean, I don’t even know sometimes if he realizes it, you know? We divorced when he was still so young, he doesn’t really know any other way. Still, I want the best for him.”
That seemed like a very mature thing, to want the best for someone other than oneself.
“If you’re doing the best that you can, there really isn’t anything else you can do, right?”
“That’s just it. Am I? Are there other things that I could be doing? It seems like there is. Like should I be taking him to play groups? Enrolling him in a better preschool? Taking him for more walks along the beach? Am I working too much, too little, am I giving him enough toys, not enough? I just... I wish someone could just say this is what you need to do, and then I would have all the exact information right at my fingertips, and I would know exactly what to strive for.”
“Maybe just teaching him to love God, keeping him safe, giving him healthy food, and making sure you spend time laughing together... wouldn’t that be enough?”
“Yeah. I guess. I suppose it doesn’t really have anything to do with what happened today, other than I feel like Rodney’s mom was very selfish. She saw her own pain, and she “fixed” it,” Sunday said, using air quotes. “I like to think that even if I were in that kind of pain, actually, I’ve experienced that very thing, and the thing that kept me from crawling under my bed and staying there, was the knowledge that I needed to take care of my son.”
They had made it out to the beach, and stood at the end of the snow line, listening to the waves, and watching the play of moonlight on the water.
A cold breeze blew, and Chi shivered, but she didn’t want to turn away. She liked talking. Sunday had some wisdom, and she was hoping to straighten out the confusion in her own head.
She thought more and more that she was falling for Griff, but she worried a little that now that she knew he had money, that it changed the way she thought about him.
That seemed selfish, selfish in a different way than Rodney’s mother had been, but selfish all the same.
“Selfishness seems to be like something we all fight.”
“I think so. I want to sleep rather than get up in the morning and take care of my kid. I’m annoyed that he has to get up so early. I want to give my ex a hard time because he’s happy with someone else. It makes me mad that he could be happy without me. What did she have that I don’t?”
“That’s so hard.” Chi had thought about that a little bit when she had seen James with the woman on his arm. Although Chi had been sure that the woman had money and power and position, which made her better than Chi. But, the lack of character had been all James. And again, that was what really mattered.
“Yeah. I’m sorry. I’m mostly over it. Other than wishing I had done better for my child.”
Chi thought about the difference between Sunday, who obviously loved her child and wanted the best for her, and Rodney’s mother, who hadn’t been thinking of anyone but herself. Of course, the deep grief, the heartache, the pain of having her husband be unfaithful, it had to be horrid. But... Hadn’t she given a thought to what her son was going to do?
She would never know. Maybe there was something in the woman’s head that had made her think she was doing the best thing for her child, but Chi didn’t want to be deceived like that.
“I guess it’s just important to follow what the Bible says. God gave us his Word for our handbook, and as long as we're following that, we’ll be raising our children right. Maybe there are lots of different ways that work. Maybe like there’s lots of different foods that are good for us. But, there are foods that are bad, and we can tell that. And the way we tell whether we’re doing the right thing by our child, is whether or not it lines up with the Bible, with what the Bible tells us to do.”
“That’s a good thought. I guess... I guess if I have two choices, obviously, choosing the one that lines up with Scripture, is the right choice. If neither one of them go against Scripture, then maybe... Maybe it’s up to me and my preferences.”
“I think that’s a reasonable assumption. If God wanted us to know it, it would be in His Word.”
“Sometimes I wish He would have spelled everything out, instead of giving us principles, and expecting us to use our brain to think about them.”
Chi laughed. “I have to agree about that.”
She had known for sure that she did not want to have anything to do with a married man. It hadn’t even been that hard to leave James and not look back.
The harder thing was trying to figure out what to do about Griff. She liked him. Quite a lot. And she thought it was just because of who he was. Not because of what he had.
“I better get back.”
“Me too. It’s cold.”
“It’s hard to believe it was almost eighty degrees less than a week ago.”
“I know. At that time, it was hard to believe that Christmas was coming. Now, Christmas seems a lot more believable than eighty degrees.
