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“Read it to me,” she said.
He winced. “Don’t you want to do that yourself?”
“No, I want you to read it. I want to hear your voice, so I know it’s coming from you and not just something you wrote down because you could pretend to be someone else.”
“I never pretended with you, Merry.”
“Then prove it.”
Clark cleared his throat. Unfolding the letter and stretching it between his hands, he did what she wanted.
“Merry, I know how badly I hurt you and that you don’t want any excuses, so I’ll start this letter with the facts. The fact is I told you I’ve only been in one relationship, but it’s more than that. I’ve never been in love. I don’t even know if I am capable of romantic love and I know how important it is to you. I love my brother and Jace. I would die for them, but being in love is different, I’m sure.
“Fact: There have been so many times over the last few weeks that I looked at you, at Merry, and I almost said to hell with fears and what-ifs. When you were in my arms, trying to ask me a question, the urge to kiss you was torturous. I have dreamed of you, not because I think you’re beautiful or desirable, even though you are, but because of the way I feel when I’m with you.”
The door swung open and both Merry and her puppy charged down the steps, but only one of them was focused on him. Her eyes seemed brighter than normal, although the whites surrounding them were bloodshot. She shut the door behind her and stood on the top step, her arms crossed over her chest.
“Go on.”
With her eyes trained on him, sweat trickled down his temple and along his neck despite the chill in the air as he continued. “When I’m with you, Merry, the world slows down. I smile easier. I laugh louder. I play, Merry, something I’ve only ever done in the safety of my home with Jace. You bring the best out in me. Being around you makes me feel alive and it scares the hell out of me. That’s why I break eye contact. Why I pull away. I’ve never felt like I deserved you, Merry. You were too much and I didn’t think that you could ever keep your shine with someone like me.”
“You didn’t think you deserved me?” Merry came down one step, her face flushed. “When? In high school when you thought I was shallow? Or last night when you thought I’d set you up for a laugh?”
The hurt in her voice twisted his gut in knots. “I knew deep down I’d made a mistake. It’s why I couldn’t go home, but you were right. I was a coward. The thought of going back into that bar with your friends and admitting I’d been a colossal asshole spun me so hard, I couldn’t sift through all the chaos in my head.”
“Is there a word bigger than colossal? Mega? Gigantic? Massive?”
“All of the above.”
The lines of her face had eased slightly and she nodded toward the letter in his hand. “Is there more?”
“Yes, there’s another paragraph.”
“I’d like to hear the rest.”
“All right.” He took a deep breath. “I really want you to forgive me, Merry, but more than that, I want another chance to be your friend. To be the guy you thought could be more. I want to earn back your respect and trust, to show you I’m not damaged beyond repair. If you want me to stand up in front of all your friends and tell them what an idiot I am, I will.”
“Oh, they know,” Merry said.
Clark’s mouth twitched, but he kept going. “If you want me to go on the radio and tell the world that I made a huge mistake, I won’t hesitate.”
“I think you’re more likely to go viral on TikTok. The radio is so dated.”
He laughed, meeting her eyes. Her arms were no longer crossed but stuffed into the pockets of her robe.
“I will do anything you ask of me, Merry. I’ll even give up the last piece of apple pie.”
Her eyes narrowed. “Your favorite flavor is pumpkin.”
“You remember that?”
She sighed. “Unfortunately, I remember everything about our conversations, both online and off.”
“Unfortunately?”
“Yeah, unfortunately. It’s really annoying to have all these funny, wonderful messages and conversations in my head and then that one ugly moment tarnishing them.”
“I really am sorry. I wish I could take it back.”
