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“Oh, God, so much,” I breathe into the mic, a slight hitch to my breath. “I don’t even know where to start.”
“Um.” Aria’s voice flitters over the line with a slight tremble I try to ignore, the hummed response one I’ve seen enough times that I know she shrugs right along with it. “How about where you left off?”
That conversation feels like weeks ago now, not just a few hours. The one where I was finally giving in and avoiding my avoidancetendencies.
And my therapist’s words settle into my brain from my last session where she was hell bent on providing the logic of why that method was definitely the wrong choice. That long-term avoidance was never going to get me to the healing stage of shit.
But why the hell not?
It can work, right?
“You think Jeremy had something to do with the photo leak. And Fin?” Aria says into the phone matter-of-factly, like she knows exactly how to get me back on track.
“Damn you, Aria.”
“So, you slept with the guitarist. So what?”
Oh, boy.
“Well,” Snickering, I force my torso up off of the pavement, my lips peeling back with a grimace at the ache that answers my move. My ribs hurt along with my neck and lower back, but I can’t tell if it’s from emotion or the wreck. The tension of walking away from a man who was going to burn to death, or from the hours and hours I’ve spent both bent over bodies for work, and bent over for Fin.
So I sit, and I regale the tale of my life to my best friend with a shaking voice and stiff muscles.
How I ran into Fin and the way he held himself even from that first meeting back at theSaltwater Skullsshow. Then how he was so sure of everything that first night back at my parlor that made me want him even more. Enough to break my one rule and let him chase after me anyway. And how that chase makes me want to keep runningtohim instead of away.
How Jeremy returned to torment me, popping in my life throughout the years, and how my dad showed up just like he always has to protect me when the scum called this time. And then I had Rex find me in the lot of the venue when Jeremy tried to leverage me with my phone, and Fin made sure I got back to my dad safe.
Then how I found the subject of my nightmares cuffed to a water heater inside of a trailer that I knew was going to go up in flames and I did nothing to prevent it from burning him alive. And maybe I added some fuel to the fire by leaving my lighter behind.
And once I’m done sharing way too much with the woman on the other end of the line, I’m met with a silence I didn’t expect.
“Aria?”
“Cedar.”
“Say something.”
“Hmm,” she hums, the sound of her tapping pen echoing over the line loud enough that I can almost see the sketches in front of her for her next creation.
“Hm? That’s it?” I scoff into the mic and grab a handful of the gravelly dirt by my feet just so I can throw it.
“Well,” Aria sighs into the phone.
“Well?”
“Considering the breaking news now flashing on my task bar, I’d say that the real-life nightmare is definitely gone.”
I don’t hold back the sense of relief that washing over me. Even when I know I shouldn’t. “No way.”
“I know now how much of a fucking threat this man was to you. Probably others.” Aria blows out a long breath that replaces that tension right back in my beating chest. “You feel better?”
“Yeah, but that’s fucked up, right?” I push up to my feet and brush off the dirt from my hands against my thighs. It hurts, but I manage.
“Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t.” Aria pauses long enough to have me looking around the street I stand beside to confirm I’m still alone. “Listen … I’m glad that he’s gone. Period. And that you’re fucking here, okay? The guilt that man made you feel is all his to carry. Not yours.”
“Shit, okay.” I blow out a breath and pop open the face shield to suck in the fresh air. “I know you’re right. It’ll take some time to sink in, I think, but you’re so fucking right.”
“Exactly,” Aria chuckles, pulling a forced chuckle from my aching ribs. “Now tell me what you intend to do about Fin.”
