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“You ever caught feelings, Toby?”
My tongue swipes away the liquor from my lips and I pass the bottle back across the couch to Fin.
“Nah,” I shake my head, my long hair tickling my bare shoulders. “Sounds messy.”
“Right,” Fin snorts and takes a long pull from the bottle. “Messy.” He props the glass against his thigh, his fist tight around the neck as he stares at the wall for a beat. “But undeniable.”
“What’s that mean?” I reach for the whiskey, which serves to shake Fin’s tight gaze from the wall to me instead. His eyes, blue and intense, make me pause.
“Means,” Fin sighs, the side of his jaw jumping even though his eyes soften, “that there’s no running from it. Even though she’s not here, they are.They’re infectious and painful with nowhere to fucking put ‘em.”
I don’t have time to compute my bandmate’s words before he’s on his feet and digging out his phone. The thing is to his ear, and he’s mumbling shit I don’t get as he turns away from me to speak.
“Justfind her.”
Chapter Thirty-Two
Cedar
Mylimbsareheavy.My eyelids heavier.
My chest is on fire. A soul deep ache that calls for the last person it should.
But maybe it could …
If it was really over, maybe I could be that person that’s deserving of someone like Fin.
The wind whips through my hair that spills out of the helmet, chilling my exposed skin. A shiver rakes over my body and has the handlebars in my grip jittering. I straighten the bike before it dumps me into the ditch, but my vision blurs and the tears streak down my cheeks.
I can’t let anyone see me like this.
And that leaves me with exactly nowhere to go.
Asphalt fades into the tree line as I slow the motorcycle, the hills melding into the sky with each passing minute that the sun fades on the ripping pain in my chest.
Wide open and raw, I hold on to the handlebars for dear life when the tires skitter and debris kicks up enough that I lose the ass end of the bike before I can correct it.
I slide, dumping Frankenstein on its side and bailing from the machine before it can crush my leg. The move skips me over the road like a rock on the surface of the water, the pavement tearing into the moto jacket I’m grateful I thought to throw on before lifting the bike from my dad’s garage.
Skidding to a stop with a heaving chest and my back to the ground, I let my arms flop off to my sides and a maniacal laugh escape from between my chattering teeth into the helmet I’m also glad I remembered.
“Fuuuuck,” I breathe into a laugh that shouldn’t be happening, given the fat tears still rolling down my cheeks and fogging up the face shield.
It’s finally over.
I’m not sure how long I lie there before I reach, slowly, for my pocket with hope that my phone is still intact. With as little movement as possible, I fish the device from my pants and engage the button to trigger the voice command. The familiar ding of recognition from the thing has a relieved breath pushing out past my lips and the commanding words rushing out.
“Call Aria.”
“Calling Aria …”
The ring fills my helmet, the Bluetooth connection making me wince with the volume when the line clicks and a voice sent directly from the heavens replaces it.
“Cedar Savin Jones,you better be fucking alive and not out there doing stupid shit.”
Snickering, I let my arm flop back to the pavement beneath me and stare up at the darkening sky I can see through the fog still taking up most of my field of vision. “Only a little bit.”
“It’s been hours. Tell me what happened.” There’s a hope in her voice that I almost wish I didn’thave to crush, but alas, that is the life of a best friend, right?
