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My heart sinks at the thought.
“How are you feeling, Jules?” My best friend asks, leaning against me.
“Nauseous. Terrified. Like my heart will leap from my chest at any point.”
That’s an understatement. It feels like I’m in line at a carnival waiting to get on a ride that twists and loops its way across the sky. The anticipation of what is to come is eating me from the inside out.
Her hand finds mine and gives it a tight squeeze. “We can always leave. Coming this far was a massive step, and no one would blame you for walking away.”
I shake my head and glance nervously back at the stage.
I can’t walk away, not this time. If not for any other reason than knowing that he’d probably let me. He’d watch as I walked out of his life for the second time, and he wouldn’t come after me.
The arena goes dark and bright bands of light begin to dance across the ceiling. A low rumble breaks out over the crowd, and the chants begin. The large screens on either side of the stage scan the group, landing on fans who sport fantastical outfits or hold massive signs.
“Marry Me, Ryan!” is my favorite, especially considering the woman holding it can’t be a day younger than 65.
Gareth has a fair share dedicated to him, and I smile, knowing that seeing them will probably cause him to puff his chest out like a proud gorilla.
A guitar solo silences the roaring crowd, and everyone’s breath stills with anticipation.
“How are we doin’ tonight, Dallas?” a ffamiliar voice calls out over the speakers.
Screams fill the massive space.
“I said, how we doin’, Dallas? I know you can be louder than that!”
The crowd goes wild and gets even louder when the stage comes to life. The four men are standing in position, and my eyes immediately find Ryan.
His lips are so close to the microphone as he speaks.
“This is a very special show; you know that?”
His voice has dropped so that it almost sounds like he’s speaking to someone standing next to him rather than a sold-out arena.
“Do you know why tonight's special, Dallas?” Gareth yells into the microphone in front of him.
You can’t hear anything the crowd is saying in response, just jumbled cries of excitement thundering across the horde.
“I don’t think we should tell them just yet,” Ryan smiles into the camera. “I think we should make them sweat it out for a little while.”
With that, Ant begins to pound on the drums, and a spotlight lands on him, illuminating his form as he bangs away. Gareth and Neil join in, and Ryan slowly stalks toward the front of the stage. He’s dragging the mic stand as he walks.
His raspy voice fills the speakers as he starts singing one of their more popular songs. It seems like every single person in the place knows the lyrics, and when Ryan points the microphone toward them and stops singing, they don’t miss a beat.
My heart swells at the look he gives to their adoring fans. He’s entirely in awe of them as they sing the lyrics for him. He lets them continue past the expected line and turns to ensure the other guys are soaking up the moment with him.
The look shared between the four men should pull at anyone’s heartstrings.
It’s one of those “Hey Mom, I made it” moments.
The band makes their way through the setlist, and I try my hardest to enjoy myself. Alyssa dances and sings with every song, but the more time passes, the harder it is to stand here and pretend I’m okay.
He’s in his element, and he’s owning the stage.
It’s probably the best performance I’ve seen him put on.
So while I’ve been going through the motions and just trying to stay afloat, he’s been thriving.
