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That hurts.
I tug on Alyssa’s wrist and force a smile. “I need some air.”
“Okay.” She moves to follow me, but I hold up my hand.
“No, you stay. I’ll be right back. I just—” I try to find the words to reassure my best friend that I’m alright, but the look on my face gives everything away.
“I’m here for you tonight, Jules. I’ll come with you.”
I give her a tight smile, but don’t try to argue. She laces her fingers in mine and we turn our backs to the stage.
We make it halfway through the crowd before Ryan’s voice begins to speak into the microphone, Gareth playing a slow tune to dull the silence.
“I mentioned earlier that tonight’s show is a special one,” he croons into the mic. “You want to know why?”
Screams fill the space, but we keep walking. I can feel my chest tightening, and I need to get out of here before it constricts completely.
“You see, there’s someone here tonight that means a great deal to me.”
It feels like I’ve been hit by a semi-truck.
My hand squeezes Alyssa’s and I stop walking. I think my heart even stops beating.
“But I’m a fuck-up and I may have ruined my chances with her.”
I turn around, my mouth hanging open, shock radiating over every inch of my body.
“Is he—“ Alyssa begins but doesn’t finish the thought.
“I let her walk away from me and I didn’t fight for her. I didn’t fight for us.”
The crowd is silent, and all you can hear is Ryan’s deep breathing into the microphone as he scans each row looking for someone.
Looking for me.
“I’ve never been the best with shit like this,” he continues. “And even though I can’t always find the words to say, I can say them in my own way. With music.”
Gareth walks over to him and holds out his fist, a show of support between the brothers. Ryan fist-bumps him back, and the other members begin playing a song I don’t remember hearing before.
His voice rings out and I’m unable to move, barely able to let out the breath I’m holding as I listen to the words.
I need some time to stop,
to think all about all of this,
I hate when you are out there, I want you to be right here.
I feel a little numb, man, I thought I knew what I wanted.
I’m falling apart that you’re distant and I’m far from you.
We come from two different worlds,
I guess that’s what made me see things a bit blurred.
I told you what you wanted to hear I thought I knew what it was
but I was wrong.
