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“Positive. You’re it for me. I knew it the moment I laid eyes on you. When I ended things, I prayed I would get the chance to win your love and trust back. Do I have your love?”
“Oh, Christian. You have every drop of love I have to give.”
The next was perhaps a harder question and one that might be more important. “And do you trust me?”
“With my life, my heart, and my soul,” Lila replied without hesitation.
“You don’t know how much that means to me, baby. I’m not worthy of your love—”
“You stop that right now, Christian Bailey,” Lila said vehemently. Lifting her head so she could meet his gaze, he saw the same spark of fire he’d just been praying for back in her eyes. “I don’t ever want to hear you say you aren’t worthy ever again.”
His heart swelled until it felt too big for his chest. No one had ever believed in him like that before. Still, lingering shame from his past made him feel like he could never be good enough for this former child star. “Lila, you know about my past.”
“And you know about mine,” she shot back. “Do you think less of me because of my past? I was raped by Ross when I was sixteen and was forced to give up my baby. Does that make me unworthy?”
“Damn it,” he growled, his blood heating. “You know it doesn’t.”
“I was forced to put my mouth on Ross, he tried to put his on me. And Zara’s bodyguard Aleksei r-raped me. Does that make me unworthy?” Lila’s voice cracked and tears brimmed in her eyes. Her spark had faded again, and he knew she needed to hear him tell her that nothing could make him not love her.
“You are my everything, Lila. Do you even know how in awe of you I am? What you’ve endured, what you’ve dealt with, mostly on your own, I can’t even believe that not only are you standing but you built a life for yourself. One where you help people on the worst days of their lives. You are worthy of everything. Everything. And I promise I will spend the rest of my life making sure you are happy, supported, taken care of, and most of all loved. I’ll take your pain, baby, and while I can’t absolve you of that burden, I can carry it with you. Never again will you cry into your pillow alone, no one to hold you as you weep. When you’re afraid I’ll be there, and when your eyes shine with happiness that’s where I’ll find my joy.”
A few years trickled down her still-wet cheeks, but Lila smiled through them. “And that’s exactly how I feel about you. I’ll share your pain, your feelings of unworthiness, and your joy. The good and the bad, both sides of the coin, I’ll be there by your side, holding your hand, through both. We both suffered so much when we were younger, but that’s all behind us now. Nothing but smooth sailing from here on out.”
Framing her face with his hands, he touched a kiss to her forehead. “Smooth sailing.”
Her smile faltered. “I feel dirty, Christian,” she whispered. “I don’t know how to make it go away. I don’t know how to process everything that happened these last few days. What if I’m not strong enough to get through it? What if I can’t be the woman you deserve? Or the mom this baby deserves?”
Stowing the anger thinking about someone raping his woman, Surf kept his touch light, his tone gentle, infusing every bit of love he felt for her into his words. “You are strong enough to conquer the world. On the days you feel like you don’t have what it takes, you tell me, and I’ll give you whatever you need.”
“You know I’ll give you the same.”
“I know, baby. It’s one of the many reasons I love you. I can completely be myself with you. I want it all with you, Lila. I want to live with you, I want to marry you, I want to raise this baby with you, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. There is no question about it, no doubts in my mind, I love you with everything I have to give, and I promise you right here and now I will give you all of myself. Now and forever.”
* * * * *
November 24th
8:00 P.M.
Christian’s words washed over her like a warm caress.
His love meant everything to her right now.
Her world was spinning out of control. Too much had happened in too short a space of time and she was struggling to process it all.
How could you process even one of those traumas let alone all of them back-to-back-to-back?
Just having the man she was falling in love with unexpectedly dump her and then find out she was pregnant would have been enough to send her world into a tailspin, and yet it had turned out that was the most minor of her problems.
Lila wanted to work through it all, wanted to be strong and have herself put back together by the time their baby came along, but she was floundering as to just how to do that.
Sensing her inner turmoil, Christian’s thumbs began to stroke her cheekbones, and he touched kisses to her forehead, her cheeks, the tip of her nose, and then finally her lips. “What do you need, baby?”
Helplessness washed over her. “I … don’t know.”
It was hard enough sorting through the mess of emotions and fears inside her own head, let alone able to articulate it and express it out loud to another person.
Despite their conversation, there were still lingering feelings of dirtiness and unworthiness.
