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She blushed.
“Drink and strip.”
Blair asked me if I wanted to take a walk and get some fresh air. I said yes, and we stepped out on to the porch. The night wind was pleasantly cool.
“I’m glad you decided to come. How does it feel to be here?”
“Good. It’s all…like things were before.”
“Some things, anyway. How is it with Axel?”
“Not so great, honestly.”
“You want to talk about it?”
I pulled a leaf from a creeping vine on the wall and started to tear it into tiny pieces the wind carried away. I ended up telling her everything that had happened two weeks ago. I talked to her about the kiss, the next night, the meal at the Nguyens’ house, and how hard the week had been without us talking to each other. And how the situation hurt me, but…Axel had disappointed me. I wasn’t mad; I was disappointed. That was worse.
“So what do you think you’re going to do?” Blair rubbed my arm. I watched her, the way her hand comforted me.
“I don’t know. I never do when it has to do with him.”
“You know what? This reminds me of the old days. Talking about Axel.”
“God, I must be unbearable.” I laughed.
Blair did the same, and we cracked up for a long time for no apparent reason until my stomach started to hurt.
“It’s…it’s amazing,” I said, trying to regain composure. “I’ve spent half my life anchored to the same spot. Him, always him. If only I knew how to avoid him and not feel…feel everything, when it comes to Axel.” I turned serious. “What do you think?”
“Unfortunately, I think that even if years have passed since you fell in love with him, for Axel, it’s been different. They are two different perceptions of the same story, Leah. It could be that up to a few months ago, he never even would have thought of looking at you in that way, and you’re pushing too hard.”
“I know. But at least I got something out of it.”
I didn’t need to say out loud that I wanted to continue. At that moment, I knew what path I was taking. I was aware of how hard it would be and that feeling does not only imply doing it in the good things; it can also refer to bad things, to sorrow, but still, I was going to try.
“Tell me about those dates with Kevin.”
Blair’s eyes twinkled. “The best ever. Remember when I used to think no one could top Frank? I have to admit, the bar wasn’t that high ever since I said I’d take him out and he ordered half the menu, but still, with Kevin, everything…everything’s been perfect. I don’t know how I never noticed him. Why are we so blind sometimes?”
“I think we often just don’t know how to look.”
“And it’s funny, because you miss the most obvious things, the stuff that’s right in front of your nose every day. I hope everything works out with Kevin; sometimes I get scared…”
“Why?” I asked.
“Because he could hurt me.”
I nodded, with a knot in my throat. It was something instinctive, avoiding pain. “Everything will be great, you’ll see. By the way, what time is it?”
“A quarter after three.”
“Shit!”
“What’s up?”
I didn’t answer before going back inside and taking the stairs two by two down to the first floor. Just as I’d feared, Axel was there in the middle of the dining room with his arms crossed, waiting for me.
“What are you doing in here?” I hissed angrily, but he didn’t take the bait.
