Page 40 of All That We Never Were

He grinned softly.

They left around lunchtime, and Leah and I spent the time together in silence, as usual. In the evening, I worked awhile on a job I had to turn in at the beginning of the week, a logo and a couple of promo images for a restaurant that was opening soon. Leah stayed in her room listening to music, and I decided to give her space. She hadn’t started painting again and I hadn’t asked her to. Yet.

When night fell, we had dinner on the porch.

I went inside for a sweatshirt after putting the dishes in the sink, because winter was almost here and it was starting to get cool in the later hours.

I got comfortable next to her on the cushions. “You really don’t want to try it?”

“No, you look like the weird tea lady.”

“A joker… okay, fine.”

Leah smiled timidly, but soon a shadow fell across her expression. “I realized today it must be really hard for you to have me in your house.”

“What made you think that?”

“Seeing you with your family. How you hate the way they invade your space. You’ve always been particular. I get that, I really do. I’m sorry things are this way.”

“Don’t say that. It’s not true.”

I meant it. I hadn’t even thought about it, but Leah’s presence in my life didn’t bother me. Living with her was simple, despite her problems, the changes that kept coming every week.

“Thanks anyway,” she whispered.

35

_________

Leah

Kevin jax was my first kiss.

Three weeks had passed since New Year’s and it still hurt me to remember it. It was January and school had just started, but at the beginning, we never had to pay much attention, so Kevin and I started passing notes back and forth starting the first day.

How was the break?

Fine. Painted a lot. You?

On the beach with the guys. You walking home?

Yeah, why do you ask?

Can I walk with you?

I bit the tip of my pen and answered with a simple yes. When class was over, I said goodbye to Blair, who was going in the opposite direction. Kevin came over with a timid smile.

We barely talked at first, as if sending notes to each other in class had nothing to do with being face to face. But as the days passed, the discomfort faded, and I realized he was fun and really smart. He liked licorice, and sometimes he would eat one while we walked, because he said he was jealous of me always having a sucker in my mouth. It made me laugh. He was one of those optimistic people who are always happy and infect you with their joy.

“So you’ll come to the beach party this Saturday,” he repeated when we reached the door to my house.

I nodded, thumbs in the straps of my backpack. Kevin looked at me nervously and took a breath before speaking. “I was going to wait till then, but…”

I knew what he was thinking before it happened.

There, under the light brown trellis climbing the white fence among the wild grass, he bent over and kissed me. It was a slightly clumsy, timid kiss, as they all are at that age. I closed my eyes and noticed a tingle in my stomach that was still there as Kevin turned around and walked away.

I didn’t move until I heard a familiar voice: “I promise I won’t tell.”

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