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“Do I look bad or something?”
“No, but you never know. Vitamin deficiency is the cause of many illnesses, not just scurvy if you don’t have enough C or weak bones if you don’t get enough D; it’s linked to other problems like depression, indigestion, even paranoia.”
“Yeah, that’s the one that’s killing me, Mom. Sometimes I get paranoid and I think my family is going to show up at my house one Saturday without warning, but then I feel better when I realize I’m alone and it’s just my imagination running away with me.”
“Don’t be silly, son.”
I poured myself my second coffee of the day and asked loudly if anyone else wanted one. Only Justin said yes. I made it for him and walked out onto the porch, where we all ended up gathering. My father had sat in the hammock with a bohemian air, saying things like “It smells peaceful here” and “I like the vibe in your house.”
“So are you surfing again?” Emily asked Leah while one of her kids crawled all over her.
“A little. I made a deal with Axel.”
Leah looked at me and I felt a connection. A tie that was starting to bind us. I realized we were the only witnesses to what we were experiencing in those months, and I liked that.
“Are you forcing her?” Justin asked.
“Of course not! Or maybe, yeah. What does it matter?” I started laughing when I saw him disconcerted.
“He’s not forcing me,” Leah lied.
“I hope not,” my mother said.
“I want to surf too!” Max shouted.
“Let your uncle teach you, you’ll be owning it,” my father said.
His remark produced varied reactions. My mother said, “Daniel you sound ridiculous,” Justin frowned, and my nephews shouted with enthusiasm, jumping on top of the surfboards on one end of the porch.
Fifteen minutes later, I was with them and my father in the water. I put them on the board, which was broad and long, and they stayed sitting there while I guided them to where the waves started. My father was excited and followed close behind me. Everyone else was back on the beach chatting and eating donuts Mom had brought from the café.
“I want to stand up!” Connor started moving.
“No, we’ll do that later. Today, just stay seated.”
“Promise me we will later though.”
“I promise,” I said, cutting him off.
Connor was holding onto the edges of the board when a wave shook it. We kept at it for a while, until Max got tired and pushed his brother off. I left them in the water, playing and laughing, and looked at my father.
“Leah’s looking good,” he remarked.
“She’s making progress. Slowly. But she’ll get there.”
“You’re doing a good job.”
“Why do you think it’s me?”
“Because I know you, and I know when something gets in your head, there’s no stopping you. I still remember the day you asked me if beetles were fat because they were full of daisies. We had just moved and you had seen that in one of Douglas’s paintings, the weird one full of colors that I used to make fun of, saying he must have smoked something before he painted it. I told you no, but obviously you weren’t convinced. You had to see it with your own eyes. So two days later, there I found you, on the porch dissecting a poor beetle. And now you’re a vegetarian.”
I laughed. “Why would he paint that?” I remembered Douglas’s picture perfectly. The colors milling together around a mound of flowers and purple-colored beetles on the ground, sliced open and full of daisies.
“Ah, he was like that; that was his magic. So hard to predict.”
“Fuck.” I took a deep breath. “I sure miss him.”
“Me too. Both of them.” My father looked away, sadder than I ever saw him, and over at the surfboard the twins were trying to climb up on. “You should customize it. Make it cooler.”
