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I turned. Axel arched an eyebrow and grinned.
“What are you doing here?” I asked.
“I was hanging out with your dad. Don’t look at me like that, I wasn’t spying on you. He seems like a nice kid, the kind that cuts your grass on Saturday mornings and follows his girlfriend to the door. I like him. You’ve got my approval.”
“I don’t need your damn approval.”
“Well, now! Don’t tell me you’re mad!”
I repressed my desire to cry, went inside, and closed myself up in my room. My mother came up a while later with a carton of ice cream. She sat down beside me in bed, her legs crossed, dried paint all over her smock, and passed me a spoon before plunging hers into the chocolate. I swallowed and imitated her.
Later I realized a mother always knows more than it seems. That there are things, things to do with feelings, you just can’t hide. That even if she respected my silence, she often knew things before I had even started to realize them.
36
_________
Leah
In the background, “ticket to Ride” was playing, and every note produced another line, more precise, sharper, as though they were trying to pierce the rough surface of the canvas.
I painted without stopping. Almost without breathing. Without seeing anything else.
I painted until the sky was as dark as the picture.
I didn’t even pay attention to Axel, who was lying on the hammock with a book. His eyes veered toward me when I took a strong breath. He got up slowly; he reminded me of a lazy cat, stretching out softly as he came over.
He looked at the painting and crossed his arms. “What am I supposed to be seeing?”
“I don’t know. What do you see?”
The painting was black, absolutely black.
“I see you,” he responded, then lifted his hand to point to a sharp corner that remained white. “You left this. Give me the brush.”
He tried to take it from my hands, but I stepped back and shook my head. He raised a brow, curious, waiting for an explanation.
“I didn’t leave it. Or I did, but on purpose.”
Axel smiled when he understood why.
37
_________
Axel
“Ready for our excursion?”
Leah looked at me and shrugged.
“I’ll take that as a yes,” I said.
It was the second-to-last Saturday of the month, which meant Oliver would be back in two days, and for some reason that made me feel we had no time to spare. We walked out of the house and continued on in silence. I was carrying a backpack and had made a few sandwiches and a thermos of coffee. We went around a mile down a muddy path toward the city. When we reached my family’s café, we went inside and said hi to my brother.
“Where you going?” Justin asked.
“On a field trip, like kids,” Leah responded.
