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"What the fuck does that mean?" Matt steps towards me.
"Let's just go in there and get this done." I throw my hands up in the air.
"Jen," Matt's face falls.
I take off running back into the lodge, deciding I don't want to hear whatever he's about to say.
—
I walk down the aisle clutching a bouquet full of white lilies and red roses, a few friendly faces beaming back at me. Mom's holding Ava and Dad's arm is wrapped about them both. He smiles at me, gives me a thumbs up. I give him a small smile, try to focus on anything other than my heart cracking in my chest right now.
Just a few minutes. Just a few minutes until I can deal with...
Matt offers me a small shrug when I reach him. I decide to ignore him and take my place on the other side of the aisle, turning to face everyone with a fake smile plastered all over my face. On the inside, everything is screaming at me to run.
Audra follows behind shortly after, everyone stands as the wedding march plays. She looks stunning as she makes her way towards Matt, never taking her eyes off him.
Tears begin slipping down my cheeks as I slowly come undone. I will myself to pull it together. The next minute, Jenny. Just get through the next minute. Then the next...
When Audra finally reaches us, she looks at me, mouths where's Kyle?
Matt steps forward, reaches for her hand, subtly shakes his head at her. Audra's grey eyes slide back to me as she swallows hard.
We all turn and face the pastor. "Dearly beloved," he begins.
But all I hear is my heart pounding in my ears.
I hand the rings over when it's time, try to focus on the red petals I'm holding. I don't know how much longer I can stand here, pretending everything's fine. Pretending my heart isn't deteriorating in my chest.
When it's all over, I walk down the aisle as quickly as I can, my composure slowly slipping. When I reach the hall, I start sprinting as fast as I can until my hands find the deck doors, throw them open, and I step out onto the cold ledge.
But I don't feel the icy breeze as I dial his number.
It immediately picks up. "I'm sorry, the number you called has been disconnected."
"Fuck!" I scream at the top of my lungs.
I reach out, my fingers sliding down the stone wall. My knees hit the ground as I feel arms wrap around my body. I bury my head into Matt's chest, sobbing, breaking apart, every piece of my heart and soul and body crumbling.
He left me.
He's gone.
Chapter 59
I was 15 when I watched Kyle load up his black car to head to Boulder. Matt and I sat on the concrete steps of the Thompson's house as we watched him load box after box of his possessions into the backseat. He was packing up his life here to move somewhere else.
"Mom said he got into Brown," Matt whispered beside me as Kyle opened the trunk and moved a few things around.
"Isn't that on the East Coast?" I quietly asked him.
Matt nodded his head as he took a sip of his cherry Slurpee. "Providence. Mom said he turned it down. Decided to go to Boulder even though he's incredibly intelligent."
"Did anyone ask him why?" I scrunched my face as I grabbed the Slurpee from Matt's hand, took a sip.
"We're all too afraid to," he snorted. "He's been unusually grumpy the past few months. He and Hannah broke up. I guess he's heartbroken or something."
"Matthew!" we heard Diane yell from the open front door. "Come grab the last of the boxes for your brother!"
