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So, I tell her.
Everything.
About Audra getting pregnant at Brad's party, Diane catching us in the jacuzzi, Matt finding out about Kyle and me, Diane's brain tumor, me moving in with Kyle, the kiss Matt and I shared, the way Kyle forgave me, Matt wanting to propose to Audra, my Halloween fight with Kyle and our sudden lull in the...bedroom.
"I want to ask him about it," I tell Fallon, "but I'm worried I won't like the answer."
Fallon takes a long sip of hot chocolate before she says, "Jenny, you have to stop being afraid he's going to leave you every time something changes in your relationship. Who the fuck cares if he wrapped it up? The last thing you need is an unplanned pregnancy. If it bothers you so much, tell him. He told you that you could talk to him. Why are you so afraid of losing him?"
Why are you so afraid of losing him?
That's a good question.
"I just…" I trail off, take a deep breath. "It doesn't matter how long he's with me, I don't understand why he loves me, Fal. Not when he's surrounded by all these beautiful, intelligent, put-together women. What if he wakes up one day and realizes I'm nothing special?"
"I don't get it," Fallon scrunches her forehead. "Your mom is the queen of self-confidence. You know when Lainey Kearns walks into a room because everything about her fucking announces it—"
"You don't live with her," I interject. "It's not easy living in her shadow." It never has been.
"Yeah, but you saw it growing up. Why are you so insecure?" Fallon gently asks.
I rub a hand over my face. "I don't know. I've never been good at anything. I've always struggled in school. Even getting my driver's license took four tries. Everything has always been hard for me."
"Don't make this relationship with Kyle hard just because you don't think you deserve it. I've seen the way that poor fucker looks at you," Fallon smiles. "He loves you because you're more than special, you're real."
"You're right," I nod my head.
"Of course I'm right," Fallon agrees.
—
I'm lying in my old bed, staring up at the popcorn ceiling in the dark. The light snow turned into a full-blown snowstorm and Kyle was supposed to be here over an hour ago. I'm doing my best not to worry, but I keep sneaking glances at the clock beside me.
It's 10:27.
I pick up my cell phone, click on his picture.
Well, here goes nothing…
The phone rings once before he answers.
"Hey baby," he says tiredly on the other end.
I let out the breath I was holding, relieved.
"Jenny, what's wrong?" he asks.
"I'm just glad you answered." BecauseI was worried about you. I'm worried about us.
"I'm about five minutes away," he tells me. "Can you meet me on the front porch?"
I nod my head before realizing he can't see me. "Yes."
"I love you," he says into the phone.
"I love you, too," I tell him before hanging up.
I put on a sweatshirt and tread down the stairs. I slip into my boots, unlock the front door and head outside to wait.
