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The screaming continued, and I was up and out of the bed, yanking on my pajama bottoms as Reagan came to, confused. "Adam?"
I ran to Wolfie's room, where he was sitting up in bed, looking wild-eyed, tears streaming down his cheeks. He took one look at me and wailed, "My mom…when is my mom coming back?"
I went to bed and took him into my arms and held him as he cried. Wolfie had managed not to have any big nightmares since that first night he'd been here, and it broke my heart that he was having to go through this again, but I couldn't say I was too surprised. "It's okay, buddy, I'm here. And so is your mom. She's always with you. Remember that, okay?"
He cried into my shoulder. "But I want her right here with me, not up there. She needs to be with me…and so does my daddy. It's not fair!" he cried.
"I know. I know it's not fair. And I wish I could snap my fingers and have them here. You know I would if I could. But I can't. I can just be here for you, and I will always be here for you. No matter what, buddy, you got me, and I'm not going anywhere."
It took a while to calm Wolfie down. Eventually, he wore himself out and fell back asleep.
When I stepped out of his room, Reagan was sitting on the floor with one of my hockey jerseys on, covering her down to her knees. She looked up at me with her bedraggled hair, her eyes puffy from crying. I reached out a hand and helped her up. We looked at each other and wordlessly embraced, her sniffling into my neck, and then, I found myself soothing her, too.
I was able to lead her back to the bedroom, where we stood quietly. "I hate that he has to go through this."
I nodded wordlessly. She wasn't saying anything I hadn't thought. "Adam, did you really mean what you said? About sticking around for Wolfie?"
I nodded again. "Ronnie and her husband appointed me, and I'm still not sure why, but it's me and Wolfie now—no take backs," I said with a slight smile.
I could see her swallow hard as she sat down next to me on the edge of the bed. "Well," she said, sucking in a long breath, "maybe it's time to look into some counseling for Wolfie to help him process his feelings. Somebody that's done this sort of thing before," she suggested.
If this had been earlier in my life and someone had suggested that to me, I would've told them that I could handle it just fine on my own. But this was Wolfie we were talking about, and for the first time, I found that pride had no place in my decision making. I nodded in agreement with her. "I'll start looking around for some reputable therapist, somebody that will make him comfortable."
She nodded emphatically. "I can research some, too," she said, looking into my eyes for a long second, and in that moment, I felt like we were in this together, truly together. But then, she ripped her gaze away and glanced over at the clock on my bedside table. It was 5:15 AM.
"I should go," she said, moving from the bed, but I snatched her hands, stopping her.
"It's still early, Reagan, you should stay." I wondered if she understood that I meant those words for more than just that morning.
Her fingers fiddled with the hem of my hockey jersey. "I should really go before he wakes up again. He's going through a lot, and I don't want to confuse him more," she said gently, pulling her hand from mine and moving to gather up her clothes.
I didn't argue with her. Wolfie was going through enough without me having to explain what an adult sleepover was. He was much too young for that. So, I watched miserably as she got dressed, and then, I walked her to the door.
She smiled at me awkwardly as her hand rested on the doorknob. "I'll let you know what I find out about the therapist. Would you keep me filled in on how school goes for him today and how he's doing when he gets up?"
"Of course," I told her, and then, she started to turn, but I caught her chin with my fingers before she could make her exit. "Hey," I told her softly.
"What?"
I answered her with a soft kiss, lingering on those lips that still tasted like sex, comfort, and untold excitement. When I finally released her, I told her, "I'll call you later with the updates."
She just nodded her head and made her exit.
This caring for people thing isn't easy, I thought to myself as I went to my kitchen and started devising a plan for a special breakfast for Wolfie.
There were sure to be nightmares, tears, and long nights ahead. But there are also colorful family pictures drawn in crayons, joyful noises, fun and games, and the smell of fresh pancakes met with a little boy's voice, uttering, "Pancakes, sweet!" as he made his way down the hallway.
I had felt more emotions in the span of twenty-four hours than I probably had my whole life put together, but I wouldn't change any of it. Now, if I could just convince Reagan to go all in with me.
Chapter twelve
Reagan
My leg muscles were burning by the time I got to the office that morning. I had run extra hard after I left Adam's place, hoping the ramped-up speed would drown out my worry…or the sounds of Wolfie's screams.
I understood that what he was going through was just a natural part of the loss. But listening to him cry to his uncle made me want to move heaven and earth to make everything okay for him. It took everything in me not to go in there and comfort him myself, but I was terrified that my presence in the middle of the night would just confuse an already terribly difficult situation even more.
So, I stayed just outside the doorway, hoping that my support could somehow pour through the walls by some sort of magic osmosis.
