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“Watch yourself, Railan,” Thieran warns. “My patience has limits.”
“You’re only making it worse by delaying. If your trip to Fontoss was successful—”
“It wasn’t.”
Thieran sighs, and I imagine him standing and crossing the room to stare out the window when a chair creaks. He seems to think best staring out the window at the realm. At his realm.
But I don’t understand what they’re talking about. What has Thieran been putting off? And was a trip to the capital the reason he was wearing the red robes of a royal priest yesterday? And what does any of that have to do with me?
A heavy weight settles into my stomach. I should go. But I’m frozen in place. I want to know what secrets Thieran has been keeping from me. I have to know.
“You said it was the only way.” Railan’s voice is gentle but firm.
“Sacrificing Elora isn’t the only way. It’s just the best one.”
The rest of Thieran’s words are lost to the rush of blood pounding in my ears. I stumble back from the door, slapping a hand over my mouth to keep from screaming in rage.
I’m such an idiot.
I should have known this was all a lie. Every word he’s ever spoken to me. Everything he’s ever done. None of it was true. From the moment I found my way into the Shadow Realm, I have been nothing but a pawn in Thieran’s game.
Willing my heartbeat to slow so Thieran doesn’t sense my distress, I turn and head back for the main staircase, taking them down two at a time. I should have known better than to lose my heart to someone again—especially to the God of Death.
I have no one but myself to blame for this seething, penetrating, all-consuming feeling of betrayal winding itself around my heart and squeezing until I can hardly breathe from it.
Letting my guard down, letting myself be vulnerable with someone like Thieran, was a mistake. Mortals and gods alike only know how to use someone up for their own gain and spit them back out again.
My uncle did. When he beat me bloody for the smallest offense, no matter how many times I begged him to stop. Then again when he sold me to a workhouse so he could wash his hands of me. And five years later, when the owner of the workhouse sent me to a brothel in exchange for a forgiven debt.
It wasn’t until I escaped from the brothel that I felt I was finally free of men who would treat me carelessly. Until I met a boy who reminded me that people cannot be trusted. That I can never trust anyone but myself.
A fire smolders in the hearth of my sitting room. No. Nothing in this place is mine except my dagger. I need only it and the herbs to get past the wards.
Crossing to the bedroom, I yank open the wardrobe doors and feel around on the floor for the small bag with the supplies. My fingertips brush the jar containing the failed shielding ritual, and I recoil.
I should never have lost my focus. Something else I can add to the long list of mistakes I’ve made in my life.
Plunging my hand back into the wardrobe, I close my fingers around the bag and pull it free, slipping the strings over my wrist and wrapping them once to secure it. My dagger sits on the bedside table, and I quickly fasten it to my thigh.
The cloak I usually wear is draped over a chair in the corner. It’ll be cold without it, but I want nothing to remind me of this place when I’m gone. Tears prick my eyes and I blink them away, drawing in a ragged breath. I will not cry over this, over him.
And I don’t have time for tears anyway. I need to get to Meera and through the wards while Thieran is occupied with Railan. If he’s busy planning my demise, he won’t think to look for me. And I might not have much time.
I take the same side stairs I used during my first escape attempt. In the dark, with Thieran toying with me at every step. Only this time, I mean to make a clean break. I don’t know if Thieran will be able to track me beyond the Shadow Realm, if this entire thing is a fruitless endeavor. But I do know I’ll hate myself if I don’t try.
I set off toward Videva at a fast pace, caught somewhere between getting away from here as quickly as possible and doing my best to remain calm so Thieran doesn’t come in search of me.
I quicken my steps when I see the first puff of smoke from the little farmhouse’s chimney but stop short when Kaia crests the small rise on her way back from Videva. For a god, she certainly chooses to walk everywhere far more than I would if I could shift from place to place.
She waves, a smile breaking out across her face, and I barely manage to force mine to match. Does Kaia know of Thieran’s plan? Has she been pretending to be my friend this entire time? Another layer to Thieran’s lie meant to keep me distracted.
Whatever the answer, I can’t let her know I’m upset. If I do, she may not let me go.
“Did you run all the way here?” she asks, stopping in front of me.
“What?”
“Your cheeks. They’re flushed.”
