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“Fuck, you don’t know what you’re offering.”
“Yes, I do,” I insisted. “Take me to bed…take my virginity. I want you to have it, it’s yours.”
He laughed once, hollow and pained. “I’m not worried about your hymen,” he whispered. “I’m worried about your heart.”
That stopped me in my tracks.
“My heart?” I faltered.
He brushed back a free strand of my hair. His palm was so warm and lean against my cheek. I wanted to bury my face in it, to bite it, to lick it.
“We both care for each other,” he said. “I don’t want to ruin our friendship. I have to protect you and ensure you have a good future. Fucking you doesn’t factor into that.”
I caught my breath, trying to control myself. Fuck friendship. How was I supposed to live after his kiss? How was I supposed to let Osian kiss me knowing how much better it could be?
I knew now that Merrick’s kiss was a beautiful, world altering event. Like the birth of a star in a cold galaxy. A burning meteorite streaking through the night sky.
So intense and then over in a second.
Leaving me permanently altered.
“I…I can’t just go back to normal after this,” I whispered. “You had to feel what I felt.”
He swallowed, avoiding my eyes.
“Merrick, don’t lie to me, please.”
“I felt it.” His jaw worked. “But now I feel the weight of my responsibility towards you.”
He pulled back, gently moving me aside. The moment was over and now we were standing in the shrapnel. Trying to figure out what came next.
“You were jealous,” I said flatly. “You have been for a while, I saw it the night you introduced me to Osian.”
Something dark flickered in his eyes. The silence lay thick over us, like dust settling.
“Osian Cardiff will make a good husband,” he said slowly. “He’ll give you the future you planned.”
My fingers curled and I swallowed, my throat painfully tight. Tears threatened to gather on my lashes. Merrick released a slow sigh and bent, picking up his watch and putting it on.
He went to the door, his head bent.
“We’re leaving first thing in the morning,” he said. “We’ll get breakfast on the way.”
He walked out into the hall and I heard him double check the lock. I stood there, my arms wrapped around myself. Toes curled on the cold linoleum. Body shaking from the sudden loss of heat in the room.
Legs wobbly, I made it to the bed. As I sank down, my phone pinged. I swiped the screen to see a text from Candice.
So? Was he mad? Are you grounded or something?
I swallowed hard. I’d never, ever kept anything from Candice before. We were always completely honest with each other, even when it didn’t cast us in the best light.
But how could I tell her I’d kissed Merrick? That we’d talked about having sex. That I’d begged him to take my virginity and he had refused. That the world would never be the same.
My fingers shook as I typed out a text and sent it.
Nothing, he wasn’t mad. I just said I was sorry and now we’re back to normal. A lot of drama for nothing.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
