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But I was willing to risk it. I was willing to risk things being awkward. I would probably be fine with it. The way I have always been able to compartmentalize my emotions is rather uncanny. I can focus hard enough on something that I will let nothing get in the way of what I need to accomplish. I was sure I would be able to ignore any emotions I was feeling and just carry on as normal.
But what if I was wrong? What if this was the love of my life I was looking at? I had nothing to really base this on other than what I was feeling, but after that kiss I was reeling in a way that felt so right. It could happen. I might have been falling deeply in love with her. But it was far too early to tell this.
I sat down on the couch and finished my drink as I tried to distract myself with a bit of television. I wanted to call her. I wanted to talk to her and see what she really thought of the kiss. Would she tell me it couldn’t happen again? Would she say that it was a mistake?
I hoped not, but if she did then I would just have to respect her wishes. And then maybe see how things went from there.
Chapter 10
Laney
“If I eat too much more of this I’m going to get so fat that Mason won’t want me,” I said as I pushed the ice cream into my mouth.
“Then you definitely don’t want to do that,” Alice said. She took a huge bite of her ice cream flurry and moaned almost orgasmically with the flavor sensation. I had to laugh at her stupid antics. She was the most fun person I knew. That was possibly the only reason I ever hung out with her. We had little else in common. And she always had advice for me about how to live my best life. It was a bit annoying.
I’d just told her about the kiss last night with Mason. The two of us were hanging out at our favorite diner, Ralph’s. They made the best flurries and milkshakes. And the pies were outrageous as well. I tried to not visit there more than once a week. It was barely noon so I felt it was too early to start drinking to calm my nerves, but I’d been on fire with anticipation since the night before when I’d gotten too confident for my own good and Mason had kissed me so passionately.
Wow…what a kiss. I kept replaying it over and over in my mind. At the time it had felt amazing. It was everything I’d wished for since I’d first seen Mason entered the bar that night several months ago. It had been building between us since then and the payoff was well worth the wait. And now I wanted it again. I wanted it more. I needed it. That was it. I needed those lips on mine one gain. The man was perfect, everything that I’d ever wanted in a man. Was I letting him slip through my fingers? Why did I abruptly leave after it happened? I should have kissed him harder and let things progress. He wanted it and I did too. Why didn’t I? I should have gone for it. Fuck. I was such a wuss.
“Well, if I get really fat then I can just have a reason not to pursue this anymore,” I said.
“I thought you loved the kiss? You’ve been talking about it practically nonstop since last night. I mean, how was it this morning between you two?”
“We barely spoke. I was running a bit late and Mason hurried out of the house to go to work.”
“Ok, well tonight when he gets home just talk to him about it. Tell him that you have these warm, fuzzy feelings for him and see how he feels.”
“I can’t do that. I’m afraid he might tell me that it isn’t a good idea. He is very vulnerable right now.”
“From the way he acts and what you’ve described to me about him vulnerable doesn’t sound like it’s even in his vocabulary.”
I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, he is really strong. Hell, that’s part of the reason I’m afraid to enter this. That’s what it is. I’m worried that this might not work out and he will show me the door and I’ll have to go back to bartending again. But I’m more worried that I’ll actually fall completely in love with the guy and that will be it. My life will be set. We will get married and I’ll start having babies and I’ll never do anything with my music. I’ve wasted too much time already. I can’t afford to get that involved with someone right now. Ugh, why did I let myself develop feelings for him?”
